Monday, January 28, 2008

Conjuring up Comedy with VAT

An old friend of mine, Ian Keable used to be an accountant. 25 years ago we worked together at what was Touche Ross (now Deloitte.)

Some years later Ian decided to focus on his passion and he has since been a full time 'magical comedian' - and he plays on the fact that he still looks like the archetypal accountant.

His well received one man show is playing all round the UK over the next few months. Click the link to find details of his Conjuring Up Comedy tour.

I love the way Ian notes that VAT is relevant to his one man magic show as it contains Very Amusing Tricks.

Conjuring Up Comedy is a two hour show, including an interval, that Ian has performed all over the country. The first half is about his transition from accountant to magical comedian; the second half is essentially his act as performed today.

For further details about the show, including photographs and reviews, check out http://www.magicalcomedian.co.uk/.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

There was an accountant - limericks

There was an accountant called Max
Whose main line was working in tax
He couldn't wait
For the 1st February date
When he could have a rest and relax

There was an accountant called Grace
Who was rather red in the face
With her returns she was late
And was rather irate
But knew everything would fall into place


With thanks to David Lewis for these.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Novel claims for tax deductible expenses

I'd love to see other examples attached as comments to this posting.

Thanks to Keith Deane I've just found out about the a self-employed accountant who worked from home. He claimed that he often received books from clients (especially jobbing builders) that were "covered in muck".

As a result he claimed that he had to constantly wash his hands to rid himself of exclusively business dirt and as such the water so consumed was an essential element of his business activity. Thus the accountant claimed a proportion of his household water bills as being business related.

Now that's novel. What other examples can you suggest?

Friday, January 18, 2008

A new Taxpayers' charter in rhyme

Number one - nowhere to run
Number two - we'll find you
Number three - wait and see
Number four - knock at the door
Number five - skinned alive
Number six - we know your tricks
Number seven- lucky for some
Number eight - don't be late

As drafted by the cartoonist Higgins for 'Colin' on the back cover of Accountancy Age

In a similar vein I'll attempt to complete the list
Number nine - pay the interest and fine
Number ten - don't do it again

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

The Beatles - Taxman

"George [Harrison] wrote Taxman, and I played guitar on it. He wrote it in anger at finding out what the taxman did. He had never known before then what could happen to your moeny."
- Paul McCartney

"Taxman was when I first realized that even though we had started earning money, we were actually giving most of it away in taxes."
- Gerorge Harrison

Lyrics

Let me tell you how it will be
There's one for you, nineteen for me
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman

Should five per cent appear too small
Be thankful I don't take it all
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah I'm the taxman

If you drive a car, I'll tax the street,
If you try to sit, I'll tax your seat.
If you get too cold I'll tax the heat,
If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet.

Don't ask me what I want it for
If you don't want to pay some more
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman

Now my advice for those who die
Declare the pennies on your eyes
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman
And you're working for no one but me.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

How bad can you be?

I recently heard a story of an accountant who took his client on appeal to the Commissioners on the basis that there were undisclosed mitigating circumstances which would exonerate his client.

When it came to the hearing he stood up and declared that he was entirely incompetent and therefore his client was blameless!

I didn't hear what the Commissioners decided but it just goes to show that however cr** you may think you are on occasions .. there always worse accountants out there!