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If I were an auditor (song parody)



Lyrics:
If I were an auditor, and you were a lady
Would you marry me anyway?
Would you hold or trade me?
If an auditor were my trade, would you still find me?
Or would you always second guess me, like everybody following behind me?

Save our love through loneliness,
Save our love through sorrow,
Would you give me sale treatment,
Or tell me I was borrowed?

If I worked for an audit firm, would you still love me?
Answer me babe, 'Yes I would," you wouldn't put the lawyers above me
If I worked a million hours, in audit, tax, or advising
Would our love grow every day, or only be amortizing?

So I can document today, you mean what you say, in the story you tell.
I need evidence today, to rely on what you say, before wedding bells.
Speak a little louder into my lapel.

If I were an auditor, and you were a lady
Would you marry me anyway?
Would you hold or trade me?
Would you marry a CPA?
You can count on me, baby.

This 'music video'was filmed in Second Life. Song parody, "If I Were an Auditor," based on "If I Were a Carpenter." Produced by the Maryland Association of CPAs
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One, but he'll have 1500 of them to do on 31st January.

(This response was suggested by Adrian Higgs)

Are you a prostitute or are you an auditor?

1. You work very odd hours.

2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.

4. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.

5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended.

6. You are not proud of what you do.

7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.

8. It's difficult to have a family.

9. You have no job satisfaction.

10. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client.

11. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.

12. People ask you, "What do you do?" and you can't explain it.

13. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.

14. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.

15. Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or Jaguars.

16. Your pimp encourages drinking and you become addicted to drugs to ease the pain of it all.

17. You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client…

Ken Dodd and the Inland Revenue

The comedian Ken Dodd, was prosecuted for tax evasion in 1989 as has been mentioned on this blog before, here and here. I'd love to find a clip of him talking about it in his act. For now though here are a couple of references to comments he makes about the experience.

He is known to introduce himself as a “failed accountant”. That, he explains, is simply to establish a rapport with the audience. “People today are all stressed out about home economics, and accountants are the current bogeymen. [Since when?]

Dodd is the butt of a lot of his material and repeated references are made to his love of money, his dislike of what he insists on calling the Inland Revenue and his past run-in with them. “They sent me a self-assessment form the other day. To me! I invented self-assessment.”

During the trial it was revealed that Dodd had very little money in his bank account. He did however have £336,000 in cash stashed in suitcases in his attic. When asked by the judge, "What does a…