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Tweets re the 31 January tax filing deadline (taxpayers)

HMRC now don't miss a thing on the tax return. "Were you party to one or more tax avoidance schemes?"

I avoided the £100 fine, but I'm convinced the Inland Revenue must be conspiring with greedy accountants to keep them busy (and rich).

Wow, never thought I'd say this, but the Inland Revenue are rather lovely. *Happies*

Will the inland revenue never answer my call? Actually I don't want them to so everything's rosie :-)

Lots on this weekend but is mainly about the Inland Revenue and finishing my tax return. Dunno why I leave it so late: they owe me money!

The Inland Revenue owe me an iPad !

Interesting. VirusBarrier suspects that the Inland Revenue self-assessment site is a phishing scam. Wonder if it's smarter than I think.

The Inland Revenue Tax Return 'Help line' is gonna get sued under the trades description act.

Required - Translator for HMRC (Inland Revenue) website. Send CVs to:

Bleurgh, tax return. I'm paying for an accountant for a reason, but she apparently doesn't do this for me :(

Just paid tax using my debit card on HMRC site. Bank then texts me to say my card has been used for overseas transaction!

Paid my tax 2 days before deadline and my accountant is my new best friend

Accountant has sent through tax return at last minute. Turns out I owe £1, not a couple of grand as in previous years. Phew!
@irascian (9am Sunday morning)

Tax. Done. New resolution for 2010 - get an accountant.
@joelbradbury (10pm Sunday evening)

Submitted tax return for first time without going to the wire. It is only 10pm, usually only do it with minutes to spare.

Just completed tax return 94 minutes ahead of deadline - woo hoo. No fine for me. And no tax to pay on losses. Next year I'll give more HMRC
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One, but he'll have 1500 of them to do on 31st January.

(This response was suggested by Adrian Higgs)

Are you a prostitute or are you an auditor?

1. You work very odd hours.

2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.

4. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.

5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended.

6. You are not proud of what you do.

7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.

8. It's difficult to have a family.

9. You have no job satisfaction.

10. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client.

11. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.

12. People ask you, "What do you do?" and you can't explain it.

13. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.

14. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.

15. Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or Jaguars.

16. Your pimp encourages drinking and you become addicted to drugs to ease the pain of it all.

17. You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client…

Ken Dodd and the Inland Revenue

The comedian Ken Dodd, was prosecuted for tax evasion in 1989 as has been mentioned on this blog before, here and here. I'd love to find a clip of him talking about it in his act. For now though here are a couple of references to comments he makes about the experience.

He is known to introduce himself as a “failed accountant”. That, he explains, is simply to establish a rapport with the audience. “People today are all stressed out about home economics, and accountants are the current bogeymen. [Since when?]

Dodd is the butt of a lot of his material and repeated references are made to his love of money, his dislike of what he insists on calling the Inland Revenue and his past run-in with them. “They sent me a self-assessment form the other day. To me! I invented self-assessment.”

During the trial it was revealed that Dodd had very little money in his bank account. He did however have £336,000 in cash stashed in suitcases in his attic. When asked by the judge, "What does a…