"We keep excellent records" = our books are a mess but don't you dare say otherwise, also I would like a discount please.
"I'm looking for a flexible accountant" = I will ring you evenings and weekends and expect an immediate answer. I may even call on Boxing Day. Late.
"My last accountant didn't file the accounts on time and we got fined" = I don't expect this to happen with you, though I will ignore repeated reminders and only give you the records one week before year end.
"My last accountant was an idiot" = I'm an idiot.
"I'd like to negotiate on your fees" = Although I want to squeeze more out of you, I've watched the Apprentice so I know how to negotiate. Lower the fees but not the service - and don't expect payment on time either.
"My wife studied AAT years ago so she will be doing the bookkeeping" = Don't try it on with me matey boy, I have an expert in the camp, and get ready to be told how to do your own job.
With many thanks to Jason Dormer of Seahorse Accountancy support for these. Any more?