Friday, January 31, 2014

Who would be the Sherlock and Watson of the tax world?

This morning Heather Self, tax expert and of Pinsent Masons, was interviewed about some tax issues on BBC Radio 5. On her arrival at the studio she posted a photo on twitter of the sight that faced her.

This led to a short series of humorous tweets including:
- Will the next episode of Sherlock be the new case of the missing receptionist?
- Who would be the Sherlock and Watson of the tax world?

This inspired the following suggestions:

  • Sherlock: John Andrews
  • Watson: Mike Truman
  • Mycroft: Holmes: John Whiting
  • Moriarty: Richard Murphy
  • Mrs Hudson: Lin Homer
  • Inspector Lestrade: Edward Troup

Which other TV programme would you recast with personalities from the tax world?

There are three types of accountant in the world

There are three types of accountant in the world.

Those who can count and those who can't.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Kinky accountants?

How do you know if your accountant's a bit kinky?

When they insist on satin balance sheets

Friday, January 17, 2014

The tax deductible guard dog

Many years ago a publican had an afternoon meeting with a tax inspector in his pub. The publican had been claiming tax relief in respect the upkeep of his 'guard dog' but the taxman was unwilling to concede that this was acceptable.

The publican replied that upstairs in the pub were both the dog and the lunchtime takings. He invited the taxman to go upstairs, on his own, and if the taxman returned with the takings the publican would agree to add back the disputed expenses.

The taxman's refused to go upstairs and allowed the expense in full.

My thanks to Barry Jefford of George Hay, Chartered Accountants, for the story which was told to him by his client, being the publican in question.

Friday, January 10, 2014

Compliments for accountants

Full marks to to the team at PracticeWeb for creating a random compliment generator specifically for accountants. You can access it here and get as many random compliments as you like.

Here are some samples of what you might find:

  • When HMRC see your tax returns, they applaud...then cry 
  • Thank you SO MUCH, it was such a relief to know you were dealing with it 
  • I used to think accountants were wrong was I? 
  • Not only are you gorgeous but you're great at minimising corporation tax

You get the idea ;-)

Friday, January 03, 2014

HMRC's top ten list of bizarre, exotic and flimsy excuses

HMRC has revealed the ‘Top 10 oddest excuses’ for sending in a late return.

The following "bizarre, exotic and flimsy" excuses have all been tried, unsuccessfully by tardy taxpayers who were hoping to avoid the £100 late filing penalty:

  • My pet goldfish died (self-employed builder); 
  • I had a run-in with a cow (Midlands farmer); 
  • After seeing a volcanic eruption on the news, I couldn’t concentrate on anything else (London woman); 
  • My wife won’t give me my mail (self-employed trader); 
  • My husband told me the deadline was 31 March, and I believed him (Leicester hairdresser); 
  • I’ve been far too busy touring the country with my one-man play (Coventry writer); 
  • My bad back means I can’t go upstairs. That’s where my tax return is (a working taxi driver); 
  • I’ve been cruising round the world in my yacht, and only picking up post when I’m on dry land (South East man); 
  • Our business doesn’t really do anything (Kent financial services firm); and 
  • I’ve been too busy submitting my clients’ tax returns (London accountant). 

Two drunk accountants have an outrageous idea

At the end of a long day, 2 accountants, Peter and Paul, have had a few drinks and are reviewing their decision to invest in a new building...