Friday, June 26, 2015

Friday, June 19, 2015

Five banker related acronyms for the 21st century

DEBITs - Desperate Executives Broken by Insider Trading

NERO - Naughty Executives' Regulatory Organisation

NABRO - Not Another Bloody Regulatory Organisation

MUMPIES - Middle-aged Upwardly Mobile Professionals

OPULANT - OverPaid UnderutiLised And Not Trying

BERNIEs - Banker Earning Ridiculous Notes In Eternity



Friday, June 12, 2015

Top ten tax teases and musings

  1. Why is simplification such a long word?
  2. A tax conscience is that small inner voice that tells you that the Special Civil Investigation Office will be writing to you.
  3. If taxes are the answer, what was the question?
  4. Why is it that HMRC can make 'mistakes' but taxpayers are always negligent?
  5. Haggis and tax laws are both the the result of bloody processes; the end result is a mystery and you wouldn't want to watch either being made.
  6. Is it true that HMRC's computer believes that the generation of names for random audit is too important to be left to chance?
  7. If you fill in your tax return before breakfast then nothing worse can happen to you all day.
  8. Due to taxation, politicians find it increasingly difficult to reconcile their net incomes with their gross habits.
  9. Is the Eiffel Tower a warning as to what will happen to Canary Wharf after taxes?
  10. Has the self assessment system resulted in the United Kingdom becoming a land of untold wealth? 
Please share more of the same.....

Friday, June 05, 2015

The tax poem

Tax his land,
Tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirts,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.

Tax his booze,
Tax his beers,
If he cries,
Tax his tears.

Tax his bills,
Tax his gas,
Tax his notes,
Tax his cash.

Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.

If he hollers,
Tax him more,
Tax him until he's good and sore.

Tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays.
Put these words upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me to my doom!'

And when he's gone,
We won't relax,
We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!!

Author unknown