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If Accountants were like Star Trek characters

Ahead of the launch of the new Star Trek series, Discovery, I am sharing this list - originally created by Michael Cohn, Editor-in-Chief, WebCPA in 2009.

He had been thinking about how accounting firms could become more like characters from the film franchise. His ten suggestions (anglicised where appropriate) are:


1. Find a weird hand signal that means either, “Live long and prosper,” or “My hand feels cramped from typing all these numbers into an Excel spreadsheet.”
2. Take the firm up to warp factor five, or the speed you generally go about a week before January 31.
3. Raise the deflector shields, especially if HMRC contacts your clients about an investigation.
4. Try the Vulcan mind meld when you can’t understand what your client is trying to tell you about why his children should be counted as a business expense.
5. Appoint a skilled liaison to deal with the Romulans, also known as HMRC.
6. Have Scotty beam you up to the bridge whenever your flight gets delayed and you need to get back to the office right away.
7. Say, “That’s highly illogical,” whenever an inspector challenges one of your client’s deductions.
8. Establish a work/life balance between fighting aliens and making out with scantily clad Venusians.
9. Set your phaser gun on stun when someone complains too much about getting a low tax refund.
10. Tell the managing partner, “I canna do it, Captain, I can’t defy the laws of physics,” if he asks you to prepare more than five tax returns a day.


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One, but he'll have 1500 of them to do on 31st January.

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Are you a prostitute or are you an auditor?

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2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

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During the trial it was revealed that Dodd had very little money in his bank account. He did however have £336,000 in cash stashed in suitcases in his attic. When asked by the judge, "What does a…