Hundreds of stories, jokes, videos, anecdotes, links and quotes relating to accountants, accountancy and tax related topics. If you've got something that makes you laugh - do send it in to mark@bookmarklee.co.uk
Tuesday, December 22, 2020
5 Christmas cracker jokes for Accountants
Friday, December 18, 2020
Exercising can be taxing
A little known fact about the Queen of England.
She is a keep fit enthusiast and insists on all of her gym equipment being laid out in exactly the same way ahead of each training session. When she can't make it she pays a small fine. The sign on the palace gym door reads: HM Customs and Exercise.
Friday, December 04, 2020
Why do accountants swear so much?
Furlough
*The survey was conducted by commercial property agent Savoy Stewart
Friday, November 27, 2020
If you don't want to be an accountant....
This is taken from a recent piece in the Times Diary:
Stephen Fry tells a story about the careers master at his school who asked the boys what they wanted to be and then wrote that down as his recommendation for them.
If they didn't know what they wanted to be, apparently the careers master put down 'accountant'.
Back then Fry didn't know what he wanted to be but clearly didn't want to be advised to become an accountant. So, when it was his turn he said his ambition was to be a careers master.
The master instead put him down as 'comedian'.
Friday, November 13, 2020
Initial questions for accountancy bodies
Back in 2003, my (then) teenage son was field testing an early version of a temporary website intended to encourage young people to choose a career in tax. It was a joint venture between large professional bodies, Government departments and the big 4 firms of accountants.
The Tax Careers website included a list of the various professional bodies - which were identified only by their initials.
My son asked various questions: "What's a Kyott? What's an I - cow? What's an Acker? And what's an Eye-Kas?"All those involved with the project used abbreviations all the time. But we'd forgotten that our audience of young people new to the profession would have no idea what the letters stood for.
More recently someone asked the then President of the Chartered Institute of Taxation why everyone referenced the Institute as "See, Eye, Oh, Tee" rather than "See-ott"?
The other answers to my son's questions are ICAEW, ACCA and ICAS.
Friday, October 30, 2020
Unbelievable work experience in accountants' offices
One - It all looks so easy
One firm took a 15 year old girl from the local secondary school on work experience for a week. She was the daughter of a client.Two - They learn so much
Another accountant reports having received a CV from a young lady (aged 17) who, during a month with a local accountancy firm, apparently took over the role of payroll manager, conducted an audit without supervision and seems to now be competent in preparing self assessment and corporation tax returns.
The accountant who saw the CV did not reply because he did not think he would be able to afford the salary of a genius, saying "No doubt she will appear in the next series of The Apprentice".
These stories were originally shared on AccountingWeb in 2011
Friday, October 23, 2020
Customs & Excise were always the toughest!
Before everyone was merged into HMRC, the Inland Revenue, Contributions Agency, and Customs & Excise were all trying to prove they were the best at extracting confessions from taxpayers.
The Chancellor of the Exchequer decided to give them a test. He released a rabbit into a forest and each of them had to catch it.
The Contributions Agency went first. They placed animal informants throughout the forest and questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they concluded that rabbits do not exist.
The Revenue went next. After two weeks with no leads they burned the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they made no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
Finally Customs went in. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear was yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Friday, October 16, 2020
What's 2+2? Ten different professions give their answers
Engineer: The answer lies between 3.98 and 4.02
Estate agent: I will sort that out once you agree to pay me 1% of the answer.Mathematician: In 3 hours I can demonstrate my proof that will reveal the answer everyone has been searching for.
Logician: This problem is solvable.
Dentist: If you don't brush them properly there will only be 3.
Social worker: I don't know the answer but I'm glad we discussed the question.
Lawyer: In the case of Nerd vs HMRC, 2+2 was held to be 4
Politician: That's not the real question.
Market trader: Are you buying or selling?
Accountant: What do you want it to be?
Friday, October 09, 2020
Would this still convince the taxman?
This is an extract from a letter sent by an accountant to the taxman:
"In reply to your letter of the 12th, there is no documentary evidence of partnership, but when I called at my client's premises to complete the Tax Return his wife was present.
When I asked if the business belonged to him, his wife immediately answered in the most forthright terms that it was their joint property and I personally was sufficiently convinced not to pursue the matter further.
I take some pride in my physical condition, but I know my limitations. If you are still not convinced I will take you along in my car to see Mrs X with pleasure, but I will wait outside for you."Recorded in Peter Vaines and Roger Nuttall's book "The Bottom Line"
Friday, October 02, 2020
The Accountant's A-Z
Instead of the NATO alphabet, accountants are encouraged to adopt the new Accountants' alphabet when spelling things out. So no more Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta. Instead we now have:
- A for Assets
- B for Balancing
- C for Capital
- D for Delete
- E for Excel
- F for Finance
- G for Goodwill
- H for HMRC
- I for Insolvency
- J for Journals
- K for Kiting - the fraudulent use of a financial instrument to obtain additional credit that is not authorised
- L for Liability
- M for Materiality
- N for Notes to accounts
- O for Off-balance sheet
- P for Profit
- Q for Qualifications
- R for Reconciliation
- S for Support staff
- T for Tax
- U for Uncertainties
- V for Value
- W for Winding up
- X for breakfast
- Y for Yearly
- Z for Zero-based budgeting
Friday, September 25, 2020
5 quick jokes about accountants
1 - The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night...
....I woke up every hour and cried.
2 - I'm not saying my accountant is too literal, but when I asked him to check my balance, he pushed me over.
3 - Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.
4 - What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A late night.
5 - Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He had a ton of paper work to do. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t budget. So he decided to work it out with a pencil.
Friday, September 18, 2020
Ten dodgy tax tips best ignored
Friday, September 11, 2020
Free tax advice?
Years ago I heard a great story that accountant Keith Lawrence assured me was true.
He had taken an initial phone call from someone wanting help with their tax.
After a brief conversation Keith invited them in to meet with him to see if he could help (and to see if he wanted to take them on as a client).
On their arrival the 'client' looked around and expressed a little surprise that the office was smaller than he'd expected. He was also surprised to learn that Keith was an accountant as well as a tax adviser. The client just wanted tax advice.
They sat down together and the 'client' started to explain his tax problem. When Keith raised the question of fees the 'client' was shocked. He'd assumed that tax advice was free.
After a few moments it then became apparent to Keith why the 'client' was so confused. He thought he had called The tax office. HMRC.
Friday, September 04, 2020
The Priest, the Doctor and the Accountant
Friday, August 28, 2020
What do the letters HMRC really stand for?
In the UK we recognise 'HMRC' as standing for Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs - the body created by the merger of Inland Revenue and HM Customs and Excise in 2005.
What else might the letters represent? Officially the answers are:- Health Management Research Center (University of Michigan)
- Human Mobility Research Centre (Queen’s University and Kingston General Hospital partnership; Ontario, Canada)
- Helicopter Multi-Role Computer
- Hierarchical Maximal Ratio Combining
- His Majesty's Royal Communications (Jordan)
- Help Me Recover Cash
Hiding My Rewards Carefully - Holding My Rewards Callously
- How Might Rhianna Cover-up?
- Hold My Rubber Chicken
Friday, August 21, 2020
Paying tax with a smile
To which the recalcitrant taxpayer replied: "Thank God. I thought you'd want money."
Thanks to Mike Thexton for this old joke.
Friday, August 14, 2020
Clever accounting by children (1)
Friday, August 07, 2020
Great T-shirt slogans for accountants
- My Daddy is the best accountant in the whole world
- The Zen of accounting - for every debit there is a credit
- Trust me - I'm an accountant
- Accountants appreciate a good figure
- I love my accountant
- I live for accounting
- I'm the accountant your mother warned you about
- Future accountant [for a baby's t-shirt!]
- Accountants rock
- Proud parent of an accountant
- Accounting diva [in pink]
- It's accrual world
- Daddy's little tax deduction [for a baby's t-shirt!]
- Mild mannered accountant by day. Sexy husband by night
- Accountant on the outside. Biker on the inside
- Beancounter university [in the style of a top Uni]
- The world's best accountant
- A good accountant is a debit to her profession
- I love Chartered Accountants
Friday, July 31, 2020
A customer complains to HMRC...
I see from your website that you regard me as a customer. This makes you my supplier and I am therefore writing to tell you that I have decided to look for an alternative supplier. This is your last chance to improve your service.
Let me tell you why my wife and I are fed up to the back teeth with the way you have looked after us of later:
- To help even out our cashflow, when we have surplus funds, we lodge them with you as a pre-payment of part of our forthcoming tax bill. However you hardly ever send us statements that show us where we stand with you and when you do send them, they are quite impossible to check or to understand what they mean;
- You never seem to answer the telephone;
- You and your colleagues take an age to deal with the enquiries my accountant has raised with you; and
You seem happy to threaten distraint proceedings at the drop of a hat - never a good idea from a customer service point of view.
If you really were a business you'd have gone bust years ago. You seem to have no idea about how to look after your customers.
As you can see I have become a thoroughly disgruntled and miserable customer. I will never recommend your services to any friend of mine and I long to take my business elsewhere. The problem I face is that there doesn't seem to be any other suppliers of whatever it is you supply.
Yours faithfully.
----
The above letter was written to the Tax Office by a taxpayer who copied it to his accountant Huw Williams of HM Williams, Chartered Accountants and who included it in his newsletter 'Account' 'with a heavy heart'.
Friday, July 24, 2020
Top accountant characters in films
The Apartment - Jack Lemmon's character CC Baxter introduces himself: "I work on the 19th floor. Ordinary Policy Department, Premium Accounting Division, Section W, desk number 861."
Dave - Charles Grodin plays the president's accountant and solves the budget deficit in one overnight session, leaving the White House at dawn in his prudent small car.
The Royal Tenenbaums - Danny Glover plays accountant Henry Sherman, Angelica Huston's dependable second husband.
Friday, July 17, 2020
Which parrot should the accountant buy?
The shop owner showed him a pretty parrot on a perch and explained that it was ideal for an accountant as it knew some mild swear words but only used them when it heard someone say "HMRC".
The accountant asked how much it was and the shop owner said it was only a hundred pounds.
The accountant felt he could invest more than this so asked if there were any other parrots.
"Certainly" replied the shop owner. "This blue one doesn't swear at the taxman but he will learn your clients' names and greet them personally whenever they come into your office. This one is for sale at one thousand pounds".
This was more than the accountant wanted to spend so he asked the price and talents of a third parrot that was sitting quietly in the corner of the pet shop.
"Aha" said the shop owner. "That's the most expensive parrot. It costs five thousand pounds".
The accountant was astonished any parrot could cost that much. "What the heck can it do?"
To which the shop owner replied "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two say he's their Senior Partner."
Friday, July 10, 2020
Fun names for teams of accountants
- The Accountables
- Accruing respect
- The 3 Bs - Big Bad Bookkeepers
- The cash kings
- The counting consultants
- The counting Countesses
- Double entry deviants
- Figure fraternisers
- Ledgerndary
- Ledger lovers
- LIFO the party
- Ruler of the results
- Sir count-a-lot
- Taxmanian devils
- Three balance sheets to the wind
- The Accountaholics
- The bad assets
- Between the spreadsheets
- The cash cows
- Dealers in debits and credits
- Journal junkies
- The pirates of the accountancy
- Spreadsheet snoops
- Sums of anarchy
- Tax terrorists
- The uncountables
- Year end yearners
Friday, June 26, 2020
Reasons NOT to visit your accountant
- The structural engineer won’t go if he’s too worried the office will collapse on him.
- The resting ac-tor, worried they can't claim expenses against the novel they aren't writing.
- The owner of a paper shop whose business has folded.
- The owner of a Kipper business that went up in smoke.
- The Psychic who couldn't go because they hadn't foreseen the travel restrictions.
- The motor car manufacturer wont go because....don't get me started.
- The carpet maker feared the accountant would pull the rug out from underneath. They also didn't want to be nailed by the tacks man!
- The violinist didn't go as she didn't want to be accused of being on the fiddle.
- The drill operator thought it would be too boring.
- The watchmaker didn't have the time.
- The carpenter felt it would go against the grain.
Friday, June 19, 2020
Popular films remade for accountants (part two)
- The Deductibles
- Mary Profits
- On Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs Service
- Kalamazoolander
- Lady Chatterley's Ledger
- Raiders of the Lost Audit
- The Wizard of Audit
- Book Keeping and the Accountant Kid
- The Balance of the Lambs
- Close Encounters of the Accountant's Kind
- Accounting in the Rain
- Slumdog Accountant
- Some Like it in Credit
- Raiders of the Last Audit
- The Big Four Strikes Back
- Auditbusters
- All the President's Bookkeepers
- Monty Python and the Accountant's Grail
- Eternal Sunshine of the Accountant's Mind
Friday, June 05, 2020
Ten key tax questions for accountants
- Why is simplification such a long word?
- Do you have a tax conscience? It's that small inner voice that tells you that the Special Civil Investigation Office will be writing to you.
- If taxes are the answer, what was the question?
- Why is it that HMRC can make 'mistakes' but taxpayers are always negligent?
- Why are tax laws like a Haggis? They are both the the result of bloody processes; the end result is a mystery and you wouldn't want to watch either being made.
- Is it true that HMRC believes that the generation of names for random audit is too important to be left to chance?
- Why should we encourage clients to check their tax returns before breakfast? Then nothing worse can happen to them all day.
- Is it really due to taxation, that clients find it increasingly difficult to reconcile their net incomes with their gross habits?
- Is the Eiffel Tower a warning as to what will happen to Canary Wharf after taxes?
- Has the self assessment system resulted in the UK becoming a land of untold wealth?
Friday, May 29, 2020
An ode to auditing
Auditors are people too, we’re not nasty and mean
Don’t hide behind your desk or go and nervously take flight
We’re only there to try to make sure everything’s all right
So when we do a test it isn’t just because we can
It’s to check your system’s working right all neatly spick and span
When we ask awkward questions it’s simply that we care
That your records may be incomplete with not all you need there
We look for fraud it’s true but hope to find it? We do not!
Dealing with fraud just adds more to the work that is our lot
Yes auditors are lovely with a helpful task to do
It’s only incidental when we make more work for you
I hope that now you understand and so, what do you say
Will you fight prejudice and hug an auditor today?
Friday, May 22, 2020
Popular films remade for accountants (part one)
- The Accountant of Monte Cristo
- Honey I Shrunk The Balance sheet
- Double Entry Indemnity
- Abacus Now
- Dead profits Society
- Kinky Books
- Trading (Profit and Loss Account) Places
- The Unbearable Lightness of Being Audited
- Harry Potter and the Audit of the Phoenix
- Tax Returns Of The Jedi
- Debbie Does Double Entry Bookkeeping
- Abbacus - The Movie
- The Offshore Shank Redemption
Friday, May 15, 2020
The purchase ledger accountant's lament
Piles of purchase invoices, in all colours and sizes
The Boss will read them carefully before he authorises
Then it’s my job to process them as my blood pressure rises
I say each number quietly to get it in my brain
And as I type it to the screen I say it once again
The others in the office think my mumbling’s a pain
They say it shows I’m mad, but can I promise you – I’m sane!
Once input to the system I’m so careful where I pile ‘em
Too close to the window, they’ll be gone before I file ‘em
And that would be the end of me, straight off to the asylum…
My loving caring colleagues would be very quick to dial ‘em
So here I am, an invoice clerk until the bitter end
Most of the time I work real hard but sometimes I pretend
I’m living in a different world, with mates and cash to spend
Oh please won’t someone rescue me? I’M GOING ROUND THE BEND!
Written by Sean Kelly.
Friday, May 08, 2020
Is this email too informal for a client?
Accountant 1
Has anyone else noticed that email communication with clients is becoming more personal and less formal?
Accountant 2
Friday, May 01, 2020
Lockdown lingo for accountants
Friday, April 24, 2020
Giving an accountant something to worry about
He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch.
"I need a qualified accountant," says the man, "but mainly I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"How do you mean?" says the accountant.
"I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money
matters."
"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"
"You can start on eighty thousand," says the owner.
"Eighty thousand pounds?" exclaims the accountant, "How can a business like this afford
to pay so much?"
"That," says the man, "is your first worry."
Friday, April 17, 2020
Are these the 5 worst things that happen to auditors?
- Getting in early only to find the manager who's got all the answers is not in today
- Being asked to process a whole shed-load of material adjustments 1 hour before the audit is supposed to finish
- Realising that the 'we-could-finish-a-week-early-and-have-a-jolly' budget has disappeared into thin air
- Being shoved into a cold, pokey, little room in the basement with no windows, mobile phone reception, printer or copier, miles away from where all the people you need to speak to work and 12 floors from the nearest decent snacks vending machine
- Finding out that your favourite prestigious audit client has gone bust and your audit partner has gone missing.
Thursday, April 09, 2020
TV shows remade for accountants
- Calculators - Like Suits but without Meghan Markle
- (In the) Black Books - a remake of the sit com about a bookseller
- QI - Quite Insolvent
- MS Excel 5 - a remake of Fireball XL5
- Companies House Party - a remake of Noel's House Party. I'm not explaining any more! ;-)
- The Fall And Rise Of Reginald's Accountants Fees
- I’m An Accountant, Get Me Out Of this audit
- The Expenditure Files
- The Bill
- Audit in Paradise
- Howard's Month End
- Tax-y
- Count Down
- Men accounting badly
- Mr Bean Counter
Friday, April 03, 2020
Mr Ledger, the accountant - Nominative determinism in action?
The winning submission came from an accountant called Mike Broadway. It wasn't about himself though:
'I was articled to W D Menzies & Co [now Menzies] in the early 60's and one of the partners was a Mr William Ledger.
All articled clerks had to take a turn on the switchboard and it was amusing to hear clients asking to speak to "Mr Ledger, the accountant" as if it was a game of Happy Families.
'Our amusement didn't end there, as we also imagined the young William doing National Service as Private Ledger before taking a commission to become, eventually, General Ledger.
'Bill, as he was known, but not to his face, had in fact served in the Marines, making him "Sails" Ledger.
We finally planned a post-military career for Bill as the warden of a bird sanctuary - wait for it - "Perches" Ledger.Have you ever encountered any other appropriately named accountants?
Friday, March 27, 2020
Were the owl and the pussycat trying to avoid or evade taxes?
The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea [going offshore obviously] In a beautiful pea green boat, They took some honey, and plenty of money, [evidently cash] Wrapped up in a five pound note. [money laundering perhaps?] |
Pussy said to the Owl, 'You elegant fowl! How charmingly sweet you sing! O let us be married! too long we have tarried: But what shall we do for a ring?' They sailed away, for a year and a day, To the land where the Bong-tree grows [obviously a tax haven] |
The big clue is in that penultimate line. Leaving the UK for a year and a day is the minimum period of absence required to ensure that they secured non-resident status under the rules then in place.
The above analysis was offered in 2009 by Andrew Hubbard, now Editor in Chief of Taxation magazine, when he was newly installed as President of CIOT, after the Chartered Tax Advisers' address on the anniversary of Edward Lear's birthday.
Friday, March 20, 2020
25 Tips for accountants working from home for the first time
- Throughout the day randomly put a wet floor sign in front of the bathroom door.
- Install a water cooler (with paper cups) in the hall to stand by.
- Put a sign up in the kitchen to say food left in fridge over weekend will be thrown away.
- Fill a fire bucket with sand. Then put cigarette butts in and place the bucket outside the front door
- Jam the photocopier and put a note on it saying ‘engineer called’
- Set off your alarm clock and stand out in the street pretending there is a fire drill.
- Record yourself chewing loudly, picking your teeth, humming, tapping your biro on the desk (and any other such annoying noises. Then play back on loop to invoke nostalgia for that genuine office ambience.
- Make ID cards for all the family and insist they must always be on show.
- Shout out to no-one in particular. "Is anyone else having trouble getting on outlook this morning?...I'm just getting that little egg timer going round and round!
- Designate your back door as a fire exit, put stickers up indicating such then lock it and place something heavy in front of it.
- Leave passive-aggressive post-it notes on various doors, about switching lights off, flushing the toilet, not stealing from the fridge.
- Glance over your shoulder occasionally while surfing Facebook on your computer.
- Place a PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS sign in the loo, and a cautionary note on the hot tap reading CAUTION HOT WATER.
- Put a signing-in book at the front door.
- Make sure you only put empty milk bottles or bottles with an inch of sour milk in the fridge. All other milk must be left out on the surfaces.
- Pretend that you’ve installed a vending machine by mixing a dash of vinegar and bleach into every cup of tea or coffee.
- Steal your own stationery and toilet rolls.
- Use your credit card to swipe access for all your doors and hang signs on the inside that say make sure door is closed.
- Put a sticker on your thermostat saying 'DO NOT TOUCH' and then turn it up to max. Then open all the windows because it is too hot.
- Turn all the lights on, even in the empty rooms.
- Put a sign on the door with your name and job title, and insist that anyone who needs to speak to you makes an appointment first.
- Get yourselves an imaginary coworker to blame things on. So it’s Mary who keeps leaving her dirty cups all over the place and we really don't know what to do about her.
- Create a stack of "Out of order" signs. Put on household appliances, but also on doors and mailbox. And the cat.
- Randomly scatter sugar granules, teaspoons and used mugs around the kitchen and leave a couple of cupboard doors open.
- Stick a sign above the kitchen sink. THE WASHING UP FAIRY HAS RESIGNED - PLEASE WASH UP YOUR OWN MUGS. THANK YOU.
Friday, March 13, 2020
For every tax problem...
Friday, March 06, 2020
Who was the first accountant?
Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.
Friday, February 28, 2020
Songs that might have been about tax avoidance
- April 6th Showers
- Savin' All My Tax For Me
- VAT's love got to do with it?
- H.M.R.C (to the tune of Y.M.C.A)
- God Rest PAYE Merry Gentlemen
- TAX! Who is it good for? Absolutely not me!
- Cayman Feel The Noize
- BVI, I, I, Delilah
- Big yellow tax dodge
- Ferry Cost To Jersey
- Strangers on the offshore
- The loot of love
- Wake me up before Monaco-go
- I'll be Revenue in all the old familiar places
- Like a VAT outa Hell
- VAT's the way uh-huh uh-huh I like it
- Greedy Woman by Roy Orbison
- I want it tax free - by Queen
- Hello, is it me money you're looking for?
- I'd do anything for love (but I won't pay tax)
- The Long and Winding Fraud
- Save your tax exemptions for me - by the Brotherhood of (the Isle of) Man
- Got to get you into my life (so I can claim the relevant deductions)
- Leaving on a Jet Plane - having paid no VAT on it
- My Tax Breaks bring all the rich to the yard
- I'm going to Barbados
- Tax haven is a place on earth
- With a Little Help From My Tax Avoidance Friends
- Tax'll be the day
- I hid it my way
- 'Cos I Am a Rich Man
Friday, February 21, 2020
Why people engage accountants....
HMRC: You owe us money. It's called taxes.
YOU: How much do I owe?
HMRC: You have to figure that out.
YOU: I can just pay what I want?
HMRC: Oh, no. We can guess how much you owe. But you need to guess it first. Or work it out properly - which we prefer.
YOU: What if I get it wrong?
HMRC: We'll fine you or send you to prison!
YOU: I need help!!
Friday, February 14, 2020
Taxing the Toffs
A progressive system should be based on taxation. Acceptance of a title such as a peerage might command a 10 per cent surcharge on the higher rate of tax.
Lesser honours might command a lower rate of tax.
Honours would remain accessible to all in society but only funded by those who passed a certain financial threshold.
This annual “toff tax” would be a lucrative way for the state (not the party) to collect revenue to fund the political infrastructure we demand but will not fund ourselves.
It will also allow those honoured to proclaim publicly their loyalty to the nation that honours them.
Extract from a letter on 17 May 2008 letters page of the FT sent in by James Brooke Turner, London SW2 3TA
Friday, February 07, 2020
Friday, January 31, 2020
Tax evasion at the movies
- Fatal Deduction
- Force Ten Grand from Navarone
- Returns of the Pink Panther
- Ocean's P11D
- Shawshank Tax Redemption
- The Accountant of Monte Cristo
- The Italian (cash in hand) job
- Von Ryan's Expenses
- A Tax Inspector Calls
- Evasion of the Bodysnatchers
- Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Tax Evasion But Were Afraid to Ask
- Friends with Benefits-in-Kind
- Fiddler on the Roof (ok this one didn't need adapting!)
Any more?
Friday, January 24, 2020
10 imaginative excuses for late tax returns and expense claims
HMRC has just highlighted 10 of the most weird and wonderful excuses and expense claims they have received from taxpayers over the last 10 years.
The questionable expenses claims for item are:
- caravan rental for the Easter weekend
- £4.50 for sausage and chips meal expenses for 250 days
- a music subscription so I can listen to music while I work
- pet food for a Shih Tzu ‘guard dog’
- I was up a mountain in Wales, and couldn’t find a post box or get an internet signal
- my dog ate the post … again
- my hamster ate my post
- I’ve been cruising round the world in my yacht, and only picking up post when I’m on dry land
- a DJ was too busy with a party lifestyle – spinning the deck….in a bowls club
- my mother-in-law is a witch and put a curse on me
Friday, January 17, 2020
Latest news from 'my mate down the pub'
Friday, January 03, 2020
Definitions: Intaxication
Definition: The euphoria a client feels when receiving a tax refund, which lasts until they realise it was their money to start with.
Origin: This word was one of the winners in the Washington Post's Style Invitational in 2003. This sought new words created by simply adding, subtracting, or changing only one letter of a common word and supplying a new definition
10 pop bands featuring accountants - or do they?
Ledger Zeppelin The Rolling Balances Fleetwood Macroeconomics The Balance Sheetles The Fiscal Fighters The Profit Margin Boys The Doubl...
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How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? How many would you like it to be? How many accountants does it take to change a li...
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What's the biggest overhead in Santa's accounts? - Private Elf care Why does Santa pay so little tax? - He claims Gift Relief (Gi...
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1. You work very odd hours. 2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy. 3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the mo...