5 new acronyms for accountants

I'm a bit of an acronymaniac. Here are some that might be useful for accountants.

AFLO 
We've all had them. Challenges or things that don't go as we hoped. We might smack our forehead in frustration. Maybe January was an AFLO for you this year. Another Flipping Learning Opportunity!

TIOLI 
Maybe this is your approach when talking with clients about your service offerings: Take It Or Leave It

DARE
An approach to following up after attending networking events: Deliberate Acts of Relationship Enhancement.

HIPPO
Another way of explaining why the senior partner gets the last word. It's because it's the Highest Paid Person's Opinion.

GLIBO
What you might think of these acronyms. They offer a GLIBO: Glimse of the Bleeding Obvious

The poetic audit report

 We have audited the balance sheet

and say in our report
that cash is overstated,
the cashier being short.
The customer receivables
are very much past due,
and if there are some good ones
they are very, very few.

Inventories are outdated
and principally junk,
and the method of their pricing
is very largely bunk.
So, according to our figures
the undertaking's wrecked,
but, subject to these comments,
the balance sheet's correct.

Origin unknown. Reported on TaxLetter website

Intaxication

 Intaxication 

Definition:  The euphoria a client feels when receiving a tax refund, which lasts until they realise it was their money to start with.

Origin: This word was one of the winners in the Washington Post's Style Invitational in 2003. This sought new words created by simply adding, subtracting, or changing only one letter of a common word and supplying a new definition

The interchageable accountant

I love this story of the interchageable accountant.

Peter wanted a new accountant. He spent ages asking around his local area and getting positive testimonials. 

He eventually chose a very reputable firm based on several recommendations.

Unfortunately, the day he went for his appointment he was running late and inadvertently walked into the accountants next door to the ones he was supposed to be visiting. 

They said they had no recollection of his appointment (not surprising really), but sent him to an office really quickly and in no time he was talking to his new accountant.

Peter says he has since been really happy with the service they provide and wouldn't change them - even though it did eventually become apparent that they weren't the firm he intended to approach. 

He's glad he did all that research!

Putting accountants out of business

Fifty years ago, in 1965, the Chancellor (Jim Callaghan) introduced his Budget Speech with the prophecy that he would so simplify the system that accountants would be put out of business. 

The 1965 Budget is particularly memorable as it introduced two new concepts - Corporation tax and Capital Gains Tax. 

At the time, famed (and now retired) tax specialist Adam Broke was a newly married breadwinner. 

He was initially concerned that perhaps there would be no future for tax advisers. 

He recalls that the Chancellor's ambitions were thwarted by the inclusion in his proposals of "small minded concepts such as close companies". 

As a result, Adam said he spent only milliseconds worrying whether he had chosen the wrong career. 

Little has changed over the last 50 years. Each tax change that purports to introduce simplicity into the tax system is similarly bedevilled by undue complexity, oversights and 'small minded concepts'.

My Career Crossroads: CSE Grade 1 in Woodwork

Years after qualifying as a chartered accountant, I met a woodworker whose craftsmanship was beautiful to behold.

While admiring his dovetails, I mentioned, somewhat proudly, that, years earlier, I had secured a CSE Grade 1 in Woodwork. 

Back in the day, we were told that was equivalent to an O-Level. Big stuff. 

He raised an eyebrow. “I used to teach Design & Technology,” he said. 

I confessed I’d failed DT but clung to the woodwork win and still had the table I had made in the exam. By then though it was in the loft as my wife wasn't keen to have it out.

The craftsman asked if I had continued with my interest in woodwork.

I explained that I had not. Instead I went on to qualify as an accountant and that no one in the profession had ever seemed that interested in my CSE Grade 1 in Woodwork. 

Without missing a beat, he replied: “Shame. You could’ve made a beautiful abacus.” 

But the time had passed.

ps: I'm now wondering if it was purely a coincidence that the firm I trained with was called 'Wood & Co'.

Late arrivals at the Accountants' Awards dinner

I’m been a judge for many Accountancy awards. The dinners and award parties are often spoiled by latecomers. Love their names (inspired by the radio show, 'I'm sorry I haven't a clue'

• Mr and Mrs Lentry, and their daughter Deb 
• Mr and Mrs Itor, and their daughter Aud 
• The Preciation family and their dipsomaniac daughter Dee, whose balance is always reducing and who never seems to go in a straight line... 
• The twin Entrybookkeeping brothers - it's double Entrybookkeeping 
• Mrs Ternalaudit and her son Ian (her divorced husband, couldn't make it. He's her Ex) 
• Mr and Mr Trolacount and their son Con. 
• From Germany, Mr & Mrs Inkind and their son Benny Fitz
• Mr and Mrs Quidasset and their son Lee 
• All the way from Bermuda, Mr and Mrs Haven and their son Tex 
• Mr and Mrs Payedtax and their adopted Korean son Un 
• Mr and Mrs Taxation preferred not to be announced as late. They asked if their arrival could be described as 'deferred'. 
• Finally, please welcome Mr and Mrs Prophet with their daughter Annette, and their tall son nicknamed Grows.