Thursday, January 27, 2011

Topical tax tweets - Max 140 characters

Just completed online tax return, have overpaid by 5 pence - heartwarming feeling that I am helping solve the government deficit
@sandywalkington

About to disprove the slogan "tax doesn't have to be taxing"... Now where are all those things I put in a safe place in may 2009
@marklangdon

Back to the tax return. Apologies in advance for any shouting, screaming, swearing and throwing stuff.
@hmhunt

Me: "You must be run off your feet this time of year." Girl in HMRC Tax Helpline call centre: "Ohh, it's enough to drive you to drink."
@BigglesZX

Two bills from HMRC today, both demanding I pay different amounts. I wanted to spend all day on hold tho, so it's cool. STAB. STAB. STAB.
@PoppyD

I spoke to a lovely lady from HMRC today, its always lovley when someone tells you to put a bill in the bin though!
@CandyHandfuls

Been on the phone to HMRC for 40 minutes, great phone call and really productive - ive listened to every song on their waiting album list
@mattadams86

I haven't seen a single "Tax doesn't have to be taxing" ad this year (thankfully). Are HMRC cutting back on marketing?
@MikeOrmond

Great to no longer feel pang of guilt when I drive past Moira's face on billboards warning of 31 Jan tax return deadline. Filed mine last wk
@stevelivingston

With thanks to Daniel from Taxation magazine for flagging these.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Loot - with Jason Donovan as a forensic accountant

Broadcast only in Australia in 2004, Loot was set in:
"the thrilling and exciting world of chartered accountancy".
Jason Donovan played the lead character, Jon Peregrine, who ran a Forensic Accountancy practice called Peregrine Forensics. He had a silent and slightly eccentric partner, Charles Highsmith who was a retired Partner from a large accounting firm.

In the pilot Jon's business was just starting off and they had very little work. Before setting up on his own, Jon used to work for one of the big accounting firms, GV White. His soon-to-be ex-wife, Cynthia Allencontinued to work for them in insolvency. Loot appeared onscreen in Australia apparently but not on British screens - so far as I know.

Loot was created by Allen Blewitt, chief executive of ACCA, the international accountancy body. It was described as "a slick new TV drama that, for once, doesn't portray accountants as timid, spineless and deathly tedious".

One of the plot lines has been described as follows:
Peregrine takes it personally when a dodgy initial public offering catches out thousands of small investors and triggers the suicide of his brother-in-law. Together with his genius computer hacking assistant, he won't rest until he finds out who is responsible.

With no Swiss bank account safe, no tax haven secure, tracking down that kind of money can buy you some seriously powerful enemies. And it's not as if Peregrine had a lot of friends to start with. At the same time, he is distracted by another case: a high-profile underworld business figure is missing and Peregrine has been hired by his ex-wife Cynthia to find him ...
Did ANYONE see this?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The Accountants Pie (song parody)

A.P.B Pie
(To be sung to the tune of American Pie - with apologies to Don McLean, but it fits really well)

A long long time ago, I can still remember
When my job used to make me smile
And I knew I could have a bash at saving my clients loads of cash
And maybe we'd be happy for a while
But regulation made me shiver, with every standard they'd deliver
Bad news on the doorstep, I couldn't take one more step
I can't remember if I cried when I saw I.S.A three one five
But something touched me deep inside the day that Enron died

So why why oh A.P.B why?
Do the standards get longer when you clarify?
Just one more schedule on an audit file
Oh that'll be the day that I die, that'll be the day that I die

Hey do you remember A.T.C?, P.E 1 and an S.S.A.P?
but nostalgia’s not what it used to be
And do you remember tick and bash, selecting samples, counting cash
And programmes that came from you and me
I saw you playing cricket with Jim with a ruler, a rubber and a rubbish bin
Awful coffee in a plastic cup, five pints at lunchtime down the pub
Oh this was a job we all could hack with a plastic briefcase and an audit pack
We did it all without looking back
Up to the day that Enron died

So why why oh A.P.B why?
Do the standards get longer when you clarify?
Just one more schedule on an audit file
Oh that'll be the day that I die, that'll be the day that I die

I met a girl who sang the blues, so I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
And I went down to the stationery store, where I’d stolen tipex long before
But the man said no 7 column here today
And in the office the R.I dreamed of full recovery on an audit fee
When there was no regulator but he had a texas calculator
And three things we treat with reverence, integrity, judgement and common sense
Shut down their laptops and hopped over the fence the day that Enron died

So why why oh A.P.B why?
Do the standards get longer when you clarify?
Just one more schedule on an audit file
Oh that'll be the day that I die, that'll be the day that I die

With all credit/blame to Nigel Hughes

Monday, January 17, 2011

Who predicted that then?

The Romanian government has passed a law that will tax the income of witches, fortune tellers, and astrologers.

The witches have attempted to cast a spell on the president of Romania, throwing the poisonous plant mandrake into the Danube River, AP reported. According to the BBC, the witches also used cat feces and a dead dog in the spellcrafting mix.

Last year Associated Press reported that Romanian senators rejected a proposal to tax witches and fortune tellers. The suggestion was that they were scared of hearing those feared words:
Abracadabra, we'll turn all of you into toads!
At that time the draft law would have required witches and fortune tellers to produce receipts, and would also have held them liable for wrong predictions!

Magic and superstition in Romania are taken very seriously. The president and his aides wear purple on Thursdays, allegedly to ward off evil spirits.

Friday, January 07, 2011

The prefect cake for accountants in January


Saw a ref to this cake posted on twitter. Seems ideal for accountants with birthdays in January!
Enjoy a virtual slice!

Comes from the The Baked In Caked Out Kitchen (@bakedincakedout)

Thursday, January 06, 2011

We Are Accountants, my friend

We Are Accountants
(An accounting anthem to be sung to the melody of the Queen smash hit)

I've paid my subs
Time after time
I've done my CPD
Filed accounts on time

And material errors
I've made a few
I've had my share of journals kicked in my face
But I've come through

We are accountants, my friends
And we'll keep on counting - 'til month end
We are accountants -
We are accountants
No time for lunch breaks
'Cause we are accountants - of the world -

I've taken work home
Had late conference calls -
You brought me useful provisions - and the documentation that goes with them -
I thank you all -

But it's been no box of Roses
No mid-month snooze
I consider it a challenge before that large audit case -
And I ain't gonna lose -

We are accountants, my friends
And we'll keep on counting - 'til month end
We are accountants -
We are accountants
No time for lunch break
'Cause we are accountants - of the world -

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