Tuesday, December 22, 2020

5 Christmas cracker jokes for Accountants

What's the biggest overhead in Santa's accounts? 
- Private Elf care 

Why does Santa pay so little tax? 
- He claims Gift Relief (Gift Aid would've been funnier) 

What is the employment tax status of Santa’s helpers? 
- Elf-employed. 

How does Santa’s accountant value his sleigh? 
- Net Present Value. 

Why did Santa get in trouble with the tax man?
- He missed the deadline on his elf-assessment.

Friday, December 18, 2020

Exercising can be taxing

A little known fact about the Queen of England. 

She is a keep fit enthusiast and insists on all of her gym equipment being laid out in exactly the same way ahead of each training session. When she can't make it she pays a small fine. The sign on the palace gym door reads: HM Customs and Exercise.

Friday, December 04, 2020

Why do accountants swear so much?

A recent experiment sought to determine which profession is the sweariest. And the answer, controversially has been reported to be 'accountants'. 

The three-month survey* of 1,400 employees at 100 UK companies across 14 different sectors discovered that workers in accounting, banking and finance used the most profanity during team meetings and video calls. 

The banking press reports this as an achievement for bankers. The accounting press however also wants to claim the crown. 

To conduct the experiment, the researchers asked volunteers from each sector to record the number of times a member of staff swore during meetings over a 12-week period. 

The data was then collated and compared, ultimately identifying the (combined) accounting, banking and finance 'profession' as the the one most likely to swear.  This was apparently because they uttered the highest number of obscenities during the study. And they won by a long shot. 

'Accountants' apparently spoke a total of nearly 1,000 swear words at an average of 80 per week. This was about 17 times the number for the least sweary sector. 

The research suggested that the most common swear word among 'accountants' began with F. I think we can guess which one.

Of course another F word itself has also caused a lot of swearing among accountants this year........ 

Furlough 

*The survey was conducted by commercial property agent Savoy Stewart

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