10 popular songs inspired by tax avoiders

1. It’s My Tax (And I’ll Dodge If I Want To) – (inspired by It’s My Life by Bon Jovi) 
2. Uptown Tax Dodge – (inspired by Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars) 
3. Offshore (A Place Where My Money Goes) – (inspired by Somewhere Only We Know by Keane) 
4. Blurred Tax Lines – (inspired by Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke) 
5. I Will Declare Nothing – (inspired by I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor) 
6. We Found Tax Havens In A Hopeless Place – (inspired by We Found Love by Rihanna) 
7. Money Don’t Lie (But I Might) – (inspired by Hips Don’t Lie by Shakira) 
8. She Works Offshore For The Money – (inspired by She Works Hard For The Money by Donna Summer) Tax Me Maybe – (inspired by Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen) 
9. Can’t Get This Tax Out Of My Head – (inspired by Can’t Get You Out Of My Head by Kylie Minogue) 
10. Nothing Compares 2 Tax-Free Income – (inspired by Nothing Compares 2 U by Sinead O’Connor) 

A tax themed Christmas Carol

We nick ye merry gentlemen and confiscate your sleigh

For using it to bootleg booze and ciggies from Calais

To you we're wise, you've dodged excise,

We've tailed you all the way.

You're go-o- ing to pris-i-on old boy!

Oh what a joy!

You're go-o-ing to Wormwood Scrubs old boy!

Written by Chris Williams of Baker Tilly (as it was back then) and first published in Taxation magazine 20 December 2007

Songs that might have been about tax avoidance

Maybe these were the original titles of popular songs:

1. April 6th Showers 
2. Savin' All My Tax For Me 
3. VAT's love got to do with it? 
4. H.M.R.C (to the tune of Y.M.C.A) 
5. God Rest PAYE Merry Gentlemen 
6. TAX! Who is it good for? Absolutely not me! 
7. Cayman Feel The Noize 
8. BVI, I, I, Delilah 
9. Big yellow tax dodge 
10. Ferry Cost To Jersey 
11. Strangers on the offshore 
12. The loot of love 
13. Wake me up before Monaco-go 
14. I'll be Revenue in all the old familiar places
15. 'Cos I Am a Rich Man

'Last Christmas' as sung by a tax inspector

Last Christmas, I sent a demand

But the very next day, you appealed it away 

This year, to get us some tax 

I'll investigate and ensure you pay 

 (Chorus) 

Once bitten and twice shy 

I want your records, but you just seem to lie 

Tell me, taxpayer, do you recognize 

The mess you've made with your financial lies?  

Last Christmas, I filed a report 

But the very next day, you sent it away 

This year, to save me from tears 

I'll start a COP9 and make you obey  

Crowded offices, filled with paperwork 

Hidden incomes, we'll make it work 

I'll trace the money, follow the trail 

Your tax games won't let you prevail 

Last Christmas, you thought you were slick 

But the very next day, I uncovered the trick 

This year, to save me from strife 

I'll ensure you pay your fair share in life  

Some credit is due to ChatGPT for this. 

The 12 taxing days of Christmas

A few years ago  Emily Coltman of FreeAgent analysed the tax consequences of every one of the gifts mentioned in the classic song “The Twelve Days of Christmas”.

Emily imagined that the minstrel, whose "true love" gave all these gifts, needs help completing a tax return. 

What, imagined Emily, would be the income tax and VAT rules applicable to the gifts that make up the famous festive menagerie?

What follows is just a sample from some of the explanations. In each case Emily provides rather more detail than is appropriate for this fun blog ;-) 

A partridge in a pear tree This is what HMRC call a “mixed supply” for VAT, because it’s goods with different VAT rates supplied together. The pear tree is zero-rated for VAT, while the partridge, as an ornamental bird, would be standard-rated.  

Three French hens When goods of any kind are brought in from the EU and bought by a business that’s registered for UK VAT, the business has to work out and account for the VAT they would have paid if the item had been bought in the UK. 

Five gold rings If you’re buying an antique gold ring or other piece of second-hand jewellery, how would the seller work out VAT?

Six geese a-laying HMRC goes into a serious level of detail on this. The basic rule of thumb is that poultry kept for their meat or their eggs would be zero-rated for VAT, whereas ornamental birds would be standard-rated.

Eight maids a-milking Milkmaids need to live on the farm in order to be able to do their work properly; in order to do the morning milking they have to get up very early, and so it wouldn’t be practical or possible for them to commute. That means that the farmer can provide the milkmaids with living accommodation free of tax and National Insurance. 

Nine drummers drumming A drummer would have to buy his or her costume to perform in.  That might be a kilt, jacket and plaid for a drummer in a pipe band, or a suit for a jazz band drummer, and so on. He or she can then claim tax relief on the cost of that costume, because a costume for a performer is tax-deductible. 

Twelve lords a-leaping What would be the tax implications if these lords a-leapt out of the country? It depends why they’re a-leaping out and for how long.

10 songs from the 1980s to inspire accountants

1. "Take the Money and Run" by Steve Miller Band - Perfect for those clients who may be tempted to take their profits and run, but you're determined to keep them on track with sound financial advice.
2. "Material Girl" by Madonna - A fun twist on being a "Depreciation Diva" who knows the value of tangible assets and depreciation schedules. 
3. "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey - Encouraging clients to keep the faith in their financial goals and trust in your accounting expertise. 
4. "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" by Michael Jackson - Because you won't stop until you've reconciled every last penny and balanced every account. 
5. "Every Breath You Take" by The Police - A playful take on diligently reviewing every line item on a financial statement, "stalking" those numbers to ensure accuracy. 
6. "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi - Capturing the intensity and pressure of tax season, where accountants rely on a little prayer to make it through! 
7. "Money's Too Tight (to Mention)" by Simply Red - A humorous take on the constant struggle to manage finances and make every dollar count, even when it's too tight to mention.
8. "It's a Beautiful Day" by Michael Bublé - When you're feeling optimistic and confident about tackling tax season with a positive outlook. 
9. "Manic Monday" by The Bangles - Capturing the chaos and frenzy of the first day of the week after a long tax weekend, when accountants are bracing for a busy week. 
10. "The Winner Takes It All" by ABBA - Because after all the hard work and number crunching, you deserve to be the winner of tax season and celebrate your accounting skills!

10 songs from the 1970s to inspire accountants

1. "Money, Money, Money" by ABBA - Because accountants know money is their favorite thing to count, balance, and make sense of! 
2. "Taxman" by The Beatles - A reminder that even the legendary Beatles had to deal with taxes, just like everyone else. 
3. "Dancing Queen" by ABBA - When the financial statements are balanced, and you're ready to dance your way through tax season like a true queen of numbers. 
4. "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits - A humorous take on the dream of getting paid for doing nothing, which is rarely the case in the world of accounting! 
5. "I Want to Hold Your Hand" by The Beatles - When you're providing reassurance to clients that you'll be there to hold their hand through the complicated tax filing process. 
6. "Working 9 to 5" by Dolly Parton - The anthem for every hardworking accountant during tax season, putting in those long hours to meet deadlines. 
7. "The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers - A reminder to always play the odds and make smart financial decisions, especially when it comes to taxes! 
8. "Money" by Pink Floyd - A humorous take on the never-ending pursuit of balancing the books and making sense of the numbers, just like Pink Floyd's iconic song. 
9. "We Are the Champions" by Queen - Celebrating the successful completion of tax season and conquering the challenges of financial management like a true champion!
10. "Money's Just a Touch Away" by The Rolling Stones - A cheeky take on the temptation to touch those funds when you're reconciling the books, but as an accountant, you know it's not that simple!

Rudolph and the Revenue

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer 

Hated paying NIC 

Went to a sharp adviser 

Paid the man a hefty fee 

He told the other reindeer 

You should do the same as me 

Go and see my adviser 

Get yourself a PSC 

Then one foggy Christmas eve

the taxman came to say: 

"Your idea was not so bright 

You owe tax, you're banged to rights" 

So all the deer were bankrupt 

Didn't have a bean they said 

Now taxman's after Santa 

He'll be really in the red. 

 Written by Chris Williams and first published in Taxation magazine 20 December 2007

The 12 days of Christmas or Taxmas (a reworked xmas carol)

 First line: On the first day of Taxmas the taxman sent to me:

- A rejection of my time to pay plea

The second verse:

On the second day of Taxmas, the taxman sent to me
- Two demand notes and
- A rejection of my time to pay plea

...and so on.
The last verse is:

On the twelfth day of Taxmas, the taxman sent to me
Twelve months to pay my debt
Eleven penalty charges
Ten confusing statements of account
Nine booklets on 'How to complain'
Eight explanatory leaflets
Seven website links
Six excuses for the delay
Five more queries
Four VAT returns to file
Three blank tax returns
Two demand notes and

One reluctant acceptance of my time to pay plea.

When I had the idea for this I checked online and found there was an old US version of the 12 days of Taxmas. Mine was developed independently.

10 song titles reworked for accountants

1. 2 4 6 8 what do we depreciate?
2. Debit to the left of you, credit to the right, stuck in the balance-sheet with you 
3. We can work it out 
4. Let's get digital 
5. The windfall taxes of my mind 
6. I would do anything for love but I won't do VAT 
7. I can't get no Corps Taxation 
8. Living by numbers 
9. Spreadsheet a little happiness 
10.  Anything by Johnny Cash Basis

The Beatles - taxman

"Taxman was when I first realised that even though we had started earning money, we were actually giving most of it away in taxes." 

- Gerorge Harrison 

  Lyrics 

 Let me tell you how it will be 

There's one for you, nineteen for me 

'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman 

 Should five per cent appear too small 

Be thankful I don't take it all 

'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah I'm the taxman 

 If you drive a car, I'll tax the street, 

If you try to sit, I'll tax your seat. 

If you get too cold I'll tax the heat, 

If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet. 

 Don't ask me what I want it for 

If you don't want to pay some more 

'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman 

 Now my advice for those who die 

Declare the pennies on your eyes 

'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman 

And you're working for no one but me

50 ways to please the taxman

 Accountant Nigel Hughes has crafted this topical variation on the Paul Simon classic. It's a fun ditty in itself and even cleverer if you can recall the original tune as you read it!

Your problem is all inside your head she said to me
The answer is easy if you do it digitally
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be 50 ways to please the taxman

She said I hate to see you blundering in this fog
Tax really doesn’t need to be such a slog
I’d like to end your love affair with analogue
There must be fifty ways to please the taxman

Fifty ways to please the taxman

Just get on the web Fred
Click on your mouse Klaus
Get up in the cloud Howard
Just zap it to me
This is the key, Lee
You don't need double entry
Do it on line Brian
And set yourself free
It's a new day Ray
Just think what you'll save Dave
Take a quick pic Rick
And listen to me
You'll never believe Steve
What you can do if you trust me
Just take a quick snap Jack
And set yourself free
She said paper records are really such a drag
In cardboard boxes or a Tesco carrier bag
I said I appreciate that but don't you think some clients might just gag

On the 50 ways

She said I think you should just leave it all to me
I know very soon, you’ll fall in love with MTD
And then she kissed me and I realised I could charge a quarterly fee
There must be 50 ways to please the taxman

The audit file rock song

 Another song penned by Accountant Nigel Hughes. This one should be sung to the tune of the Elton John classic, Crocodile Rock:

I remember when we were young,
Me and Susie having so much fun
Audit programme and an ICQ,
I had a battered ford escort and an M&S suit.
But the biggest kick we ever got,
Was doing a thing called the audit file rock.
While other kids were rocking round the clock,
We were Ticking and Bashing to the audit file rock

Chorus
Well audit file rocking is something shocking,
When your feet just can't keep still
I never knew me a better time, and I guess I never will.
In the office 'til late at night,
Trying to get our double entry right,
And audit file rocking was outta sight.

Well the years went by, now I’m an RI
Susie went and left us for a big 4 guy,
Long nights crying by the coffee machine
Worrying 'bout ISAs and the QAD.
But they'll never kill the thrills we got,
Burning up to the audit file rock
Learning fast as the weeks went past
We really thought the audit file rock would last.

Repeat chorus

Merry gentlemen - Reworked carol as sung by HMRC

We nick ye merry gentlemen and confiscate your sleigh
For using it to bootleg booze and ciggies from Calais
To you we're wise, you've dodged excise,
We've tailed you all the way.
You're go-o-ing to pris-i-on old boy!
Oh what a joy!
You're go-o-ing to Wormwood Scrubs old boy!

Written by Chris Williams of Baker Tilly and first published in Taxation magazine 20 December 2007

We are accountants, my friend (superb song parody)

We Are Accountants
(An accounting anthem to be sung to the melody of the Queen smash hit)

I've paid my subs
Time after time
I've done my CPD
Filed accounts on time

And material errors
I've made a few
I've had my share of journals kicked in my face
But I've come through

We are accountants, my friends
And we'll keep on counting - 'til month end
We are accountants -
We are accountants
No time for lunch breaks
'Cause we are accountants - of the world -

I've taken work home
Had late conference calls -
You brought me useful provisions - and the documentation that goes with them -
I thank you all -

But it's been no box of Roses
No mid-month snooze
I consider it a challenge before that large audit case -
And I ain't gonna lose -

We are accountants, my friends
And we'll keep on counting - 'til month end
We are accountants -
We are accountants
No time for lunch break
'Cause we are accountants - of the world -

© accountingcelebrity.com 2010

Is this the way to do an audit?

Spoof of the Peter Kay version of the Tony Christie Classic. Includes a number of novel rhymes and a bunch of methodologists from PwC. Methinks it may not be an officially sponsored film. Watch out for the robotic antics of the last guy through the swipe gates just before the end.

A tax themed xmas carol

We nick ye merry gentlemen and confiscate your sleigh

For using it to bootleg booze and ciggies from Calais

To you we're wise, you've dodged excise,

We've tailed you all the way.

You're go-o- ing to pris-i-on old boy!

Oh what a joy!

You're go-o-ing to Wormwood Scrubs old boy!

Written by Chris Williams of Baker Tilly (as it was back then) and first published in Taxation magazine 20 December 2007

Heather's 12 days of accountingmas

This wonderful final verse of Heather Smith's take on the 12 days of Christmas includes some lovely gentle ribbing of accounting speakers and conferences. 

Materiality - the music video

The ever-so material accounting song you've all been waiting for!! Materiality is an auditor's anthem created by two accounting musicians: Petty Ca$h [rap] & Auditor Meri [lead vocals & music production].

The Public Accounting Anthem music video

This well crafted rap video of his 'Public Accounting Anthem' explains the career history and professional life of CPA qualified accountant Petty Ca$h.