Reasons NOT to visit your accountant

It all depends on who you are, but you may have a good reason NOT to visit your accountant. For example: 

•  The structural engineer won’t go if he’s too worried the office will collapse on him. 
• The resting ac-tor, worried they can't claim expenses against the novel they aren't writing. 
• The owner of a paper shop whose business has folded. 
• The owner of a Kipper business that went up in smoke. 
• The Psychic who couldn't go because they hadn't foreseen the travel restrictions. 
• The motor car manufacturer wont go because....don't get me started. 
• The carpet maker feared the accountant would pull the rug out from underneath. They also didn't want to be nailed by the tacks man! 
• The violinist didn't go as she didn't want to be accused of being on the fiddle. 
• The drill operator thought it would be too boring. 
• The watchmaker didn't have the time. 
• The carpenter felt it would go against the grain.

Popular films remade for accountants (part two)

There are dozens of films about lawyers. Here are some more that could be made about accountants: 

• The Deductibles 
• Mary Profits 
• On Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs Service 
• Kalamazoolander 
• Lady Chatterley's Ledger 
• Raiders of the Lost Audit 
• The Wizard of Audit 
• Book Keeping and the Accountant Kid 
• The Balance of the Lambs 
• Close Encounters of the Accountant's Kind 
• Accounting in the Rain 
• Slumdog Accountant 
• Some Like it in Credit 
• Raiders of the Last Audit 
• The Big Four Strikes Back 
• Auditbusters 
• All the President's Bookkeepers 
• Monty Python and the Accountant's Grail 
• Eternal Sunshine of the Accountant's Mind

Ten key tax questions for accountants

1. Why is simplification such a long word? 
2. Do you have a tax conscience? It's that small inner voice that tells you that the Special Civil Investigation Office will be writing to you. 
3. If taxes are the answer, what was the question? 
4. Why is it that HMRC can make 'mistakes' but taxpayers are always negligent? 
5. Why are tax laws like a Haggis? They are both the the result of bloody processes; the end result is a mystery and you wouldn't want to watch either being made. 
6. Is it true that HMRC believes that the generation of names for random audit is too important to be left to chance? 
7. Why should we encourage clients to check their tax returns before breakfast? Then nothing worse can happen to them all day. 
8. Is it really due to taxation, that clients find it increasingly difficult to reconcile their net incomes with their gross habits?
9. Is the Eiffel Tower a warning as to what will happen to Canary Wharf after taxes? 
10. Has the self assessment system resulted in the UK becoming a land of untold wealth?