The News Quiz insults Accountants

On 18 May 2018 panellist Jeremy Hardy on Radio 4's News Quiz commented on negative press comment about big 4 firms of accountants, This was in the context of the failure of Carillion.

He suggested that Carillion is what you might call a number that’s a million times higher than a number any sane person would think of. And added: 

"I’m a bit jealous that there are high rolling accountants. Mine’s quite lacklustre in comparison to that lot. 

I just give him a carrier bag full of receipts and he keeps me out of prison. That’s all that happens."

There was a later reference to a phrase in a select committee report “Carillion was brought down by a combination of recklessness, hubris and greed”

Which prompted fellow panellist Simon Evans to respond: "Recklessness, Hubris and Greed sounds like a good name for the accountants".

When the 'Just a Minute' subject was 'Tax'

This is an extract from the transcript of the radio programme broadcast on 9 May 1989.


Nicholas Parsons: Wendy Richard to begin, the subject Wendy, tax. 

WR: There are various forms of tax, carpet, thumb, income and road. The latter I feel is a downright liberty to motorists. Have you seen the state of the highways and byways in London at this time? It's full of pitholes and potholes. It's an absolute disgrace! As for the first one... I've forgotten what I said the first time... 

BUZZ 

NP: Lance Percival challenged. 

LP: Well she forgot what she said, so she paused. 

NP: She did indeed yes Lance. You have 40 seconds to tell us something about tax starting now. 

LP: The other tax not mentioned so far is VAT. And come 1992 I think you will find this will change quite a considerable amount. For instance we are all set at 15 percent in this country at the moment. But in that year I mentioned earlier you will find that things like food are taxed quite... 

BUZZ 

NP: Wendy Richard challenged. 

WR: This is supposed to be an entertaining programme! I mean it's depressing enough that we know about VAT and that. But I mean you know you er... Well can you get challenged for boring? I mean I'm not, I'm not being rude Lance but it was going on a bit! 

NP: Well I think you were being rude but it was still being very entertaining. So we'll give her an extra point because we enjoyed it didn't we. And er we, take it to heart Lance because as she says it is supposed to be an entertainment show, you don't want to put us all in the doldrums. Um, 24 seconds though for you to continue on tax starting now. 

LP: This is actually a very entertaining idea, the idea of VAT on clothes... 

BUZZ 

NP: Richard Murdoch got in there. 

RM: Well he had two ideas. 

NP: Yes and he had two VATs as well. 

WR: A rarity! 

NP: You can't have VAT too often. Right so Richard Murdoch you got in with 21 seconds to tell us something about tax starting now. 

RM: Well up in the north country there was a man who bought a wig. And he was, asked how much it was. And they said "that's 15 pounds with tax". And he said "I don't need tacks, I'm just going to clang it on!" Um, of course that being a north country word... 

WHISTLE 

NP: So Richard Murdoch with his wig kept going until the whistle went in spite of the audience laughing so loudly. 

Do 'honest' criminals pay tax?

listen to ‘Do honest criminals pay tax?’ on Audioboo

Many thanks to Tax Barrister, Keith Gordon, of Atlas Chambers who made me aware of this Little Britain radio sketch. It features David Walliams as a hitman and Matt Lucas as a cuckolded husband who is surprised to be questioned about tax matters

That nice man on the radio.....

After the ubiquitous John Whiting had spoken at an event recently, I was talking to one of his ex-colleagues. Let's call her 'Mandy'.

Mandy told me that her mother had been very impressed to learn that she worked with

"that nice man on the radio"

John of course has long been the BBC's first choice to explain tax issues on radio and TV.

I asked Mandy, in jest, if she'd ever thought to ask John for his autograph - as a gift for her mum. Maybe a signed photo even. She laughed.

"I'm pretty sure my mum has this picture of John Whiting in her head and imagines he looks like the actor John Forsythe who played Blake Carrington, in the 80s TV show, Dynasty."

We mused for a moment about whether Mandy could ask John to autograph a photo of 'Blake' and decided, for various reasons that she wouldn't do it.

Still, the question is, should John Whiting carry a stack of photos to provide autographed copies to his legions of fans. Or is Mandy's mum a one off?

The 'Death Tax' - a film, as seen by The Now Show

During recent debates about long term funding of the elderly, the Tories denounced Labour's plans for a compulsory levy, as a 'Death Tax'.

Steve Punt has suggested this sounded like 'a slightly dull horror film', and imagines how this might play out:

Zombies have returned from the grave; only one woman can stop them: Moira Stewart is: The Zombie Hunter, in "28 per cent later".

When attacked by a Zombie Moira is heard to say: "Don't forget, pay by January 31st or...I'll chop your head off"

The Zombie continues it's attack and we hear the sound of Moira's axe fulfilling her threat. She then warns us, ominously, "And remember, tax doesn't have to be... Axing!"

Broadcast on 2 April 2010 during The Now Show on Radio 4.

Tony Hancock - The income tax demand

Here's a link to a sound file of the half hour radio episode first aired over fifty years ago on 4 November 1956.

Tony Hancock receives a tax demand for £14 12s 3d re ten years' back tax. He refuses to pay as that represents 50% of his income over the period! (Even fifty years ago this would have been a tiny amount!) so he goes to see the Inspector - played by Kenneth Williams.

The inspector tells Hancock that he can't just pay the outstanding tax, they have to haggle a bit. He also says that most people ignore his letters. Once they've been ignored twice he ignores the taxpayers! He also recommends that Hancock should go to see a Chartered Accountant "you'll probably get away with it then!". Hancock takes his advice but the accountant turns out to be a crooked Sid James and mayhem ensues.

Fred McCauley on the News Quiz

During last weeks' show Fred suggested that the audience seemed less interested in interest rates than at a recent conference of chartered accountants where he was roundly applauded for telling a joke where the punchline was:

“.....and that was 2% over LIBOR!”