10 new taxes the Chancellor avoided in the Budget

1. Zoom Face Tax – £2 each time you say, “Can you see my screen?” when you clearly can’t. 
2. Inbox Zero Tax – payable by anyone who publicly claims to have achieved it. (Doubles if they post about it on LinkedIn.) 
3. Self-Checkout Tax – 5p per “unexpected item in the bagging area.” 
4. Password Reset Duty – £3 each time you click ‘Forgot password’. 
5. Hybrid Working Hypocrisy Tax – £10 for every manager who says “work from anywhere” but frowns when you actually do. 
6. LinkedIn Humblebrag Duty – £50 per post that begins “I’m honoured and humbled to announce…” 
7. Dishwasher Diplomacy Tax – £10 fine for re-stacking someone else’s perfectly good attempt. 
8. Weather Small-Talk Duty – 20p per conversation opened with “Cold, isn’t it?” 
9. DIY Overconfidence Charge – £50 for starting a project with “How hard can it be?” 
10. Autocorrect Excise – 10p for every text where “ducking” was clearly not the intended word.

Putting accountants out of business

Fifty years ago, in 1965, the Chancellor (Jim Callaghan) introduced his Budget Speech with the prophecy that he would so simplify the system that accountants would be put out of business. 

The 1965 Budget is particularly memorable as it introduced two new concepts - Corporation tax and Capital Gains Tax. 

At the time, famed (and now retired) tax specialist Adam Broke was a newly married breadwinner. 

He was initially concerned that perhaps there would be no future for tax advisers. 

He recalls that the Chancellor's ambitions were thwarted by the inclusion in his proposals of "small minded concepts such as close companies". 

As a result, Adam said he spent only milliseconds worrying whether he had chosen the wrong career. 

Little has changed over the last 50 years. Each tax change that purports to introduce simplicity into the tax system is similarly bedevilled by undue complexity, oversights and 'small minded concepts'.

Leaked conversation between Rachel Reeves and Jim Harra

Ahead of the 2024 General Election, The then Shadow Chancellor, Rachel Reeves met with the Head of HMRC, Jim Harra.

"You will understand" said Rachel "that we are under pressure to simply our complex tax system. What can we do?’ 

"I can help you there" said Jim. "I recommend you legislate one simple new tax law".

"It should make clear that from now on everyone, especially the bankers, accountants, lawyers and tax avoiders must stop focusing on the precise wording of tax laws". 

"Instead  they should act in accordance with the Government's intentions when making those laws. No one need bother about the written laws ever again! We could call this concept 'the spirit of the law'."

Rachel smiled. "That sounds good, except for one point that's not obvious to me. How do I know what my intentions were?" ‘I just pass on the laws you give me." 

That's easy" replied Jim. "I shall be more than happy to tell you what your Government’s intentions were, should the need ever arise". 

Cuts cause extra tax - poem

This was one of the winning entries in a limerick competition run by Taxation magazine*

The Chancellor spoke to the nation.

And we were all filled with elation.

but the tax cuts proposed.

Were swiftly exposed 

as a myth by the scribes in Taxation

* This entry was written by David Norton. The competition results were published in December 1999!

The Budget - Stanley Unwin gives his opinion

Unclear which year's Budget is being discussed, but frankly it wouldn't make any great difference!