Friday, October 22, 2021

Google search results re accountants

You know how Google offers you suggestions as to what others have searched for with the same opening words as you have typed in the search box?

Here are the top examples of popular questions and searches on Google, that begin: Why are accountants...
....paid so little? demand? arrogant?

And a similar list re questions and searches that begin: Why do accountants...
....wear visors?
....earn so much?
....use brackets for negative numbers?
....need analytical skills
....use spreadsheets?

These are quite telling and even worrying as well as being amusing and contradictory! Some see accountants as important, in demand and arrogant whilst others (presumably) see us as boring and unhappy. And accountants are apparently paid so little, whilst also earning so much for using spreadsheets and evidencing their analytical skills - and using brackets!


Friday, October 15, 2021

Sometimes we're not as clear as we might be....

Accountants frequently ask new clients to either bring their passport into the office or to supply certified copies of the passport. 

It's a requirement of the anti-money laundering regulations. 

An accountant told me that a new client once sent him an unusual package. 

On opening it the accountant found a copy of the client's passport. What else? Another one. Same as the first. And another, and another. 

Indeed the package simply contained almost 3 dozen photocopies of the client's passport. 

None had been certified by a solicitor - or anyone. 

The accountant called the client to acknowledge receipt of the package and to find out why he had sent so many copies - and not had any of them certified. 

The client was pleased to hear the package had arrived safely. "I should have checked as I must have misheard you. 'Certified copies' makes much more sense. I thought you asked for 35 copies."

Friday, October 08, 2021

A sole practitioner accountant and the minimum wage

Andy Atkins is an elderly accountant operating from offices above a shop in a small town. 

One day he received a letter from HMRC, stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the National Minimum Wage and they would send an inspector to interview them. 

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Andy. 

"Well," said Andy, "there's my accounting trainee, I pay him £240 a week, and cover the costs of his training. 

Then there's my PA. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging in the flat above the office. 

There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week, along with a bottle of whisky, and as a special treat occasionally gets to sleep with my wife." 

"That's disgraceful" said the inspector, “I need to interview the half-wit." 

"That'll be me then," said Andy.

Friday, October 01, 2021

Check the fundamentals when recruiting finance staff

The company personnel department had carefully interviewed dozens of people for the job of assistant to the financial director.

The head of HR thought that one candidate - Stuart - seemed ideal.

Stuart had been to a major public school. He wasn't a qualified accountant but did have a masters degree in business administration. He satisfied all of the psychological profile checks the company employed and generally impressed the head of HR.

The FD conducted the second interview after checking the notes from the first one and also Stuart's Linkedin profile. All was going well until.....

'Stuart,' said the FD, I've decided to offer you the job. And as you've impressed us so much I'm happy to start you off on a slightly higher salary than the one advertised. We'll pay you £36,000 a year.

'Thank you,' replied Stuart. 'But how much is that per month?

Friday, September 24, 2021

Tax inspectors and contraception

After a lengthy tax investigation has concluded the accountant invites his opposite number, an attractive lady tax inspector out for a drink. 

They go to the bar of a local hotel. After a few drinks they decide to 'get a room'. 

When the subject of contraception is raised the accountant gets a first hand lesson in the difference between neglect, wilful default and fraud - as explained by the tax inspector:

It would be neglect if you said you'd not brought one with you;
It would be wilful default if you refused to wear the one that I've brought with me; and
It would be fraud if you told me that you've had the snip!

Friday, September 17, 2021

Greeting card message for retiring tax partner

 Message seen on the front of a greeting card given to a tax partner on his retirement from a sizeable firm of accountants:

All I ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

Friday, September 10, 2021

Ten annoying myths about accountancy

  1. Accounting is just about maths
  2. Accounting services are expensive
  3. Accountants are boring
  4. Accounting is all about helping clients pay less tax
  5. It's important to have an accounting degree before you start
  6. Tax is payable by reference to turnover (rather than profit)
  7. Profit and cash are the same
  8. If there's money in the bank we must be doing alright
  9. You don't need an accountant if you use Xero or QBO
  10. Accountants all make loads of money and are loaded

Credit to AAT for their recent social media activity that generated the above suggestions.

Google search results re accountants

You know how Google offers you suggestions as to what others have searched for with the same opening words as you have typed in the search b...