Friday, May 07, 2021

Crazy accounting definitions

Book value: Value placed on an asset for accounting purposes that bears no relation to its true worth.

Budgeting: An exercise where the unknowledgeable force the unwilling to predict the impossible based entirely on the inaccurate.

Credit: Something that accountants rarely get.

FIFO: 'First In, First Out', a method of valuing stock. Also a method never used when accountancy firms are considering redundancies.

Goodwill: Concept invested to explain the difference between the value of a company and the price another company paid for it.

LIFO: 'Last In, Last Out', a method of valuing stock. Also a method frequently used when accountancy firms are considering redundancies.

Liability: Money or goods owed by a company. Also a first-year audit trainee.

Prudence: A fundamental accounting principle, designed to lend dignity to inaccuracy.

Reconciliation: The art of proving that one inaccurate figure exactly agrees with another inaccurate figure.

Taken from 'The Bluffer's Guide to Accountancy'

Friday, April 30, 2021

The accountancy trained sheepdog

A farmer buys a new sheepdog, called Excel, from his accountant.  

First day out the farmer sends Excel, off to gather in his 8 sheep. 

 On returning the farmer is astonished to find he now has 10 animals in his pen and asks the dog to explain. 

Excel barks: "Woof! You asked me to round them up".

Friday, April 23, 2021

Fifteen funny books for accountants

  1. Internal Control Weaknesses by Kermit Fraud 
  2. Authorisation Limits by Mustapha Siggnatjeur 
  3. How Not To Panic At Year End by Wendy Orditors-Cumming 
  4. Cash Control for Dummies by Hans Intils 
  5. Rough Guide to Accounting by Major Control-Weakness 
  6. Double Entry Delights by General Ledgers 
  7. Financial Planning for Beginners by Bud Jett 
  8. Monthly Reporting by Anna Litticle 
  9. Excel Analysis by Rosa Dayter 
  10. The Notes to the Accounts by Hugh Kairs 
  11. Capital Tax Planning by Muvinov Sure 
  12. Insolvency by Justin Casey-Folds 
  13. The Missing VAT Trader by Cara Zell 
  14. Big Bonus by Laura Cash 
  15. Unexplained Difference by Frank D Scussions 
With due credit to Graham Thomas-Widger and Karen Watson who posted these (and a few others I didn't get) on AccountingWeb

Friday, April 16, 2021

Death and Taxes - the full story

Most people (in the UK anyway) who hear the words 'death and taxes' think of Benjamin Franklin (1706-90) who is usually credited with saying: 
"In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes." 

This was apparently written in a letter to Jean-Baptiste Leroy, 1789, which was re-printed in The Works of Benjamin Franklin, 1817. 

Before that however Daniel Defoe used a similar phrase in The Political History of the Devil, 1726: "Things as certain as death and taxes, can be more firmly believed." 

And much more recently, though still almost 100 years ago, Margaret Mitchell says the following in her book Gone With the Wind, 1936: 

"Death, taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."

Friday, April 09, 2021

10 ways to know you're an accountant

 You know you're an accountant when.....

.....Friends always ask YOU to divide the restaurant bill and the tip.
.....Tipping a waiter makes you wonder who is acting as the troncmaster.
.....You are always expected to be the one controlling the fund for office sweepstakes, lottery and fantasy football syndicates.
.....Strangers sidle up to you at parties and ask "How do I pay less tax?"
.....You can repeat all the HMRC 'on hold' messages word-perfectly.
.....You are annoyed when you see journalists giving inaccurate tax advice
.....When you pop into an independent retail outlet you wonder how much profit they make.
.....You refuse to buy certain products retail because you know how big the sales margin is.
.....You have quoted certain tax cases so often you know how to spell the obscure names involved (eg: Mallalieu v Drummond) 
.....You count an unnumbered list like this one to check whether it really contains 10 items. 

Friday, April 02, 2021

If we are not 'customers' of HMRC, what are we?

It's been many years since HMRC (the taxman) started to use the word 'customers' to refer to all types of taxpayers and tax credit claimants.  Of course 'customers' normally get a choice as to where they shop so it's not the right word.  

Here are 11 alternative, not too serious, descriptions. Do you have any other suggestions?
  1. Slaves
  2. Victims
  3. Codees - Anyone who deals with the tax authorities has to have a code, so that's the common element.
  4. Punters
  5. Suckers 
  6. Cash cows
  7. Mugs
  8. Muggles 
  9. Prey
  10. Government financiers
  11. Lemons (as in "squeeze them until the pips squeak")

Friday, March 26, 2021

5 fun tax related quotes

 Haven't posted any quotes about taxation for a while so here are some more:

" I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is—I could be just as proud for half the money."
- Arthur Godfrey

"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
- Jay Leno

"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids."
- Harvey Mackay

"There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that becoming taxpayers won't cure."
- Dan Bennett

"If you get up early, work late, and pay your taxes, you will get ahead -- if you strike oil."
- J. Paul Getty

Previous posts containing tax quotes can be found through this link

Crazy accounting definitions

Book value: Value placed on an asset for accounting purposes that bears no relation to its true worth. Budgeting: An exercise where the un...