6 things I hate accountants doing on Linkedin

1.  Overly personal posts better suited to facebook
2.  Being negative and critical 
3.  Starting something they fail to complete 
4.  Sharing simple lists with no real context 
5.  Irony

What does it mean to be customers of HMRC?

When the Inland Revenue decided in 1992 that taxpayers should be known as "customers", Parliament reacted exactly as you'd hope.

One peer wondered whether customers could now shop around between tax offices for a better deal. Another asked if dissatisfied customers could simply take their custom elsewhere. A third wanted to know whether, in the finest traditions of British retail, the customer would always be right—and if not, whether payment could be withheld until service improved.

Things only got better when someone suggested that anyone leaving the Inland Revenue's "customer base" might soon become a customer of Her Majesty's Prisons instead.

Two true stories re: tax planning and the human interest side of things

A tax adviser confided in me recently that one reason she enjoyed her work was the human interest side of things. 

By way of example she told me of the new client who explained his existing trust structure. It had been set up for his future illegitimate children.

This reminded me of when I was a new naive tax senior working with high earning stockbroking clients working in partnership. This meant they had unlimited liability. 

I learned that one of the brokers was the sole owner of his big family home so I advised him to put it in his wife's name to protect it. His response has stayed with me over the years. "Thanks Mark but I'll keep it in my name as there's more chance of me getting divorced than of the firm going under!" 

It was many years later before I realised he might have been having an affair and was worried his wife would find out!

Not so daft questions from junior accounting staff

1 - A trainee was compiling accounts for a sole trader who used to supply Bank Statements with notes written beside each transaction. 

The trainee asked his boss what the client did. The answer was: a motor mechanic. 

The trainee then asked 'So why does he buy so many Drawings'?

2 - An overseas based outsourcer was working on a pub client. They could see fruit machine income beinbg credited, and asked why there was no corresponding purchases of fruit on the expenditure side. 

Valentine messages for accountants in love

No need for adjustments,

No late review —

My forecast is clear:

I’m in love with you.

Roses are red,
The budget is tight,
But loving you
Still feels just right.

Roses are red,
Tax returns are due,
But I’d rather spend
My deadline with you.

5 questions that make accountants cringe

1. My friend doesn't include cash sales in his accounts. Why should I? 
2. Why should I have to pay tax, I have private healthcare and the kids go to boarding school?
3. How do I become a company like my pal and then not pay any tax?
4. What does 'Dave down the pub' mean when he says I can just borrow money from my company and not pay any tax on it?
5. Why haven't you told me I can claim all my food and drink bills through the business? 

Tax planning joke from Milton Jones

The comedian Milton Jones recently explained why his full name is 'Milton 22 Acacia Avenue Jones'

It's because someone told his father that he could save tax by putting his home in his son's name