Two true stories re: tax planning and the human interest side of things

A tax adviser confided in me recently that one reason she enjoyed her work was the human interest side of things. 

By way of example she told me of the new client who explained his existing trust structure. It had been set up for his future illegitimate children.

Apparently he considered it likely that at some stage in the future he would father children who would be illegitimate and he considered tax planning for this eventuality to be a priority!

This reminded me of when I was a new naive tax senior working with high earning stockbroking clients working in partnership. This meant they had unlimited liability.  I learned that he was the sole owner of his big family home so advised him to put it in his wife's name to protect it. 

His response has stayed with me over the years. "Thanks Mark but I'll keep it in my name as there's more chance of me getting divorced than of the firm going under! It was many years later before I realised he might have been worried his wife would find out about an affair!

Not so daft questions from junior accounting staff

1 - A trainee was compiling accounts for a sole trader who used to supply Bank Statements with notes written beside each transaction. 

The trainee asked his boss what the client did. The answer was: a motor mechanic. 

The trainee then asked 'So why does he buy so many Drawings'?

2 - An overseas based outsourcer was working on a pub client. They could see fruit machine income beinbg credited, and asked why there was no corresponding purchases of fruit on the expenditure side. 

Valentine messages for accountants in love

No need for adjustments,

No late review —

My forecast is clear:

I’m in love with you.

Roses are red,
The budget is tight,
But loving you
Still feels just right.

Roses are red,
Tax returns are due,
But I’d rather spend
My deadline with you.

5 questions that make accountants cringe

1. My friend doesn't include cash sales in his accounts. Why should I? 
2. Why should I have to pay tax, I have private healthcare and the kids go to boarding school?
3. How do I become a company like my pal and then not pay any tax?
4. What does 'Dave down the pub' mean when he says I can just borrow money from my company and not pay any tax on it?
5. Why haven't you told me I can claim all my food and drink bills through the business? 

Tax planning joke from Milton Jones

The comedian Milton Jones recently explained why his full name is 'Milton 22 Acacia Avenue Jones'

It's because someone told his father that he could save tax by putting his home in his son's name 

Why tattoo artists make good clients for accountants

Some accountants specialise in dental practices. Others work with solicitors, tech start-ups, or the occasional high-street café that’s “definitely going to franchise this year”.

But tattoo artists? Now there’s an underrated client base.

Here’s why the inked elite might just be your next dream clients:

🖋️ They’re used to permanent records 

😬 They understand painful mistakes – and the importance of correcting them carefully, in stages, over several sessions.

🕵️‍♂️ They’re used to dodgy cover-up requests 

📈 Their business is always in demand – especially post-breakup, midlife crisis, or after a stag do or hen night

💸 They respect pain thresholds – which comes in very handy when you’re explaining their January tax bill over Zoom, with “that face” on.

The client who wouldn't open his post

An accountant told me about one of his early clients who, years ago, never opened any official looking envelopes. 

The accountant had to do this when he visited each month. And he then told the client what action needed to be taken in each case. 

 In an effort to get the client to open letters from the accountant himself he started sending them in distinctive grey coloured envelopes. However the client rarely opening these either. 

On one occasion the accountant wrote: "I'm writing this letter knowing that I'll be the one to open it when I come to visit you next month." He laughed when that is exactly what happened.

On another occasion the accountant sent his bill in a pretty coloured envelope. The accompanying letter started: "I hope you like the envelope. I used it in the hope that you'll have opened it without realising it was from me!"