Friday, November 27, 2015

The final word on nutritional advice for accountants

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, h ere's the final word on nutrition and health as it affects accountants (and everyone else):

1. Japanese accountants eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

2. Mexican accountants eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

3. Chinese accountants drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

4. Italian accountants drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

5. German accountants drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

British accountants can eat and drink what they like. It's UK Accounting standards that are apparently what kills them.

Friday, November 20, 2015

Tax inspectors aren't so bad

When tax inspectors die why are so many of them buried at the bottom of the ocean?

Because deep down they're quite nice people.

Monday, November 16, 2015

What NOT to say at your first job interview to become an accountant

The young accountancy graduate, fresh out of university and knowing everything, applied for his first job in a large form of accountants.

The partner interviewing him asked what starting salary he was looking for.

The young man replied: “Around £100,000 a year, plus usual benefits.”

The partner responded: “Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 15% non contributory pension, reimbursed expenses - no questions asked, free attendance at an overseas conference every year with your partner, all mobile and home telephone bills reimbursed, gym membership, friday night entertainment and a company car replaced every 20,000 miles, say a Mercedes convertible.”

The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. “Wow. Are you kidding?”

Which earned the response: “I'm afraid so, but you started it.”

Friday, November 06, 2015

The journalist, the engineer, the lawyer and the accountant

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of Divisional Manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable perso...