Friday, April 28, 2017

Two work experience lessons from accountants

One - It all looks so easy
One firm took a 15 year old girl from the local secondary school on work experience for a week a couple of weeks ago (the daughter of a client).

Yesterday, the client phoned them and told them they were leaving. Asked if they were going to a different accountant they said no, their daughter was going to look after their affairs from now on as she had learned how to do the work during her week of work experience!!

Two - They learn so much
Another accountant reports having received a CV from a young lady (aged 17) who, during a month with a local accountancy firm, apparently took over the role of payroll manager, conducted an audit without supervision and seems to now be competent in preparing self assessment and corporation tax returns.

The accountant who saw the CV did not reply because he did not think he would be able to afford the salary of a genius, saying "No doubt she will appear in the next series of The Apprentice".

Credit due to @mwngiol and Tosie who shared these stories in a thread on AccountingWeb in 2011

Friday, April 21, 2017

Is the glass really half....?

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the accountant, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

(There are also those realists who don't waste time describing the glass; they just want to drink whatever it contains)

And the older accountants who stop the debate and simply add whisky to the glass.

Friday, April 14, 2017

Advising fishermen on business structure

When the fisherman asked the accountant "How should I set up my business?", the accountant replied “As a sole trader of course.”

The fisherman replied "Sounds like a good plaice to start!"

I'm here all week....

Friday, April 07, 2017

Contraception and tax investigations

Now there's a combination of ideas you don't come across every day.

A hunky accountant and an attractive lady tax inspector have developed a strong attraction for each other such that they arrange to go off to a hotel to satisfy their lust.

When the subject of contraception is raised the accountant gets a first hand lesson in the difference between neglect, wilful default and fraud - as explained by the tax inspector:

It would be neglect if you said you'd forgotten to bring one;
It would be wilful default if you refused to wear one that I've brought with me; and
It would be fraud if you told me that you've had the op!

The journalist, the engineer, the lawyer and the accountant

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of Divisional Manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable perso...