Friday, June 28, 2019

Have you ever heard such a crazy excuse from HMRC?

I once heard about a lady who received a letter from HMRC threatening her with fines if she didn't produce a certain document.

In fact she had sent them the document in question a month before and it had got lost within HMRC's office. She explained:
The (perfectly nice) lady I spoke to said that apparently my original letter had contained an all-important blue slip. The internal mail system only recognises blue slips, rather than, say, people's names. My failure to include the blue slip had resulted in my carefully packaged 35-page document entering a postal abyss, never to be seen again. While I recognise that not understanding the importance of the blue slip was negligent, I had called HMRC and asked exactly where I should send the package and to whom. The package had my tax and NI numbers on it.

This got me wondering how – in the absence of the blue slip - I could have got the document to the right person. Clearly sending something registered post is no use. I suppose I could try delivering it in person, but I've just googled East Kilbride and it's a really long way away. Plus, if HMRC's internal posties can't find someone in their own building, I'm not sure I'd have more luck. Maybe the person in question is very difficult to find – her desk is in an air-vent or something.
The reason first given to the lady was that her letter had failed to reach the person in question because it's 'a really big building'.

Friday, June 21, 2019

10 famous people who nearly became accountants

All of the following trained to be accountants - in some cases, not for very long but found fame through other talents and skills:
  1. Arnold Brown - "Possibly the only Glaswegian Jewish ex-chartered accountant stand up comedian in the world".
  2. Eddie Izzard - failed accountancy student who turned to surreal stand-up comedy and acting. His father was Harold Izzard, a former president of the institute of internal auditors and chief auditor of BP.
  3. Robert Plant - gave up accountancy training to sing for the rock band Led Zeppelin.
  4. David Graveney OBE - former chairman of the England Test selectors (1997 until 2008).
  5. John Grisham - the novelist is well known for being a lawyer prior to his writing career. His first degree however was in Accounting from Mississippi State University.
  6. Bob Newhart - American funny man who got his first job out of the army working as an accountant in downtown Chicago.
  7. Alan ("Fluff") Freeman - DJ Alan Freeman worked as an assistant paymaster/accountant for one of Australia's largest timber companies after leaving school.
  8. Pádraig Harrington - the Irish professional golfer passed his final exams in 1994 to gain admittance to ACCA.
  9. Fred MacAulay - the Scottish Comedian graduated from the University of Dundee with an MA in accountancy and jurisprudence. He went on to work as an accountant in a number of companies before moving into Comedy.
  10. Ron Moody - British actor probably best known for playing the part of Fagin in the stage and film versions of Oliver, he originally trained to be an accountant at the London School of Economics.

Friday, June 14, 2019

An Accountant dies and goes to heaven

An Accountant dies and goes to heaven.
Saint Peter starts asking him all the usual questions required to get into heaven.
The accountant, it seems, has repeatedly helped people cheat on their taxes and embezzle funds. Finally, in exasperation, St Peter asks, “Well, have you ever done anything good, anything totally unselfish and altruistic in your entire life?”

“Well,” says the accountant, “Once I saw this pretty lady being beaten up by a bunch of hoodies. So I yelled “Hey jerks, why don’t you pick on somebody your own size” and then I reached for my mobile phone to call the police, and took off running. They forgot about her for a second and she managed to run also.

Saint Peter asks, “I’m looking through the book of your life, and I don’t see this incident recorded. When did it occur?”

The accountant replies, “About five minutes ago.”

Friday, June 07, 2019

An accountant is a person who....

A range of views revealing how some people see an accountant as a person who :
  • displays deviant behaviour when it comes to numbers
  • can do tricky sums
  • experiences an inner peace in the knowledge that debits should always equal credits
  • knows the inner thrill of viewing a well structured Chart of Accounts
  • gasps at the majestic splendour of a Trial Balance
  • marvels at non-accounting colleagues who guiltlessly work from home or leave early on a Friday
  • rarely misses a trick when it comes to claiming expenses or receiving above-inflation pay rises
  • has made a lifetime vow never to take a holiday at month end
  • spends more evenings with the office cleaner than with their partner
  • sorts out all the mess

Do you really need certified copies of that?

Accountants frequently ask new clients to either bring their passport into the office or to supply certified copies. It's a requirement ...