Colin Collins on Facebook

The popular cartoon character from the back cover of Accountancy Age has his own profile page on Facebook*. Full marks to whoever conceived his work description:

Accounting isn't the dull, boring job it's cracked up to be, ooooooh no... we have computers and calculators and pda's and blackberries and everything. Sometimes I pretend I'm batman and put it all on my belt... not the computer though, that would look silly.

*If readers are interested I have established a group for Ambitious Professionals on Facebook. Please join me there.

VAT the heck

A friend of mine, Mike Thexton, The Hippy Man, has started a great new blog celebrating funny and bizarre rules and decisions arising from our VAT laws and cases.

Newton's Laws of Accounting

1. For every accountant, there is equal and opposite accountant.
2. Both of them are wrong.

The oldest accountancy joke?

Recently, in an archeological excavation in the middle east, a large stone tablet was unearthed. Scholars determined that it was an ancient audit report, complaining about the use of papyrus scrolls by the scribes. It was clear that such scrolls lacked the evidential integrity of stone and clay tablets.

Accountancy quotes

Accounting: A bunch of numbers running around looking for an argument.

If you need accounting to prove it, it was probably not true in the first place.

Obviously accounting pays, otherwise there would be no accountants.

There is nothing more permanent than temporary account.

Accounting will prove anything, even the truth.

Accounting is economics without assumptions.

Laws of accountancy

1. Trial balances don’t
2. Working Capital does not
3. Liquidity tends to run out
4. Return on investments never will
5. Bottom line is only the tip of the iceberg.

Darling

Another story courtesy of Paul Aplin, Chairman of the ICAEW Tax Faculty at the start of the Wyman Symposium last week:

He had been explaining that the relationship between HMRC and the professional bodies was something like that of a marriage and that perhaps what was required was some relationship counselling. In this context he recalled being advised that this often involves both parties being told that they must 'listen' as well as 'talk'.

Paul was at pains to point out that despite being married for many years he had no first hand knowledge of relationship counselling. Apparently this nearly changed recently when his wife noticed a new folder on his computer. She hadn't seen it before and thus doubted it had anything to do with her. And yet it was called 'Darling'.

Paul's wife only calmed down when the contents of the folder were revealed to be letters to our new Chancellor!

Yellow pages

At the start of the Wyman Symposium last night, Paul Aplin, Chairman of the ICAEW Tax Faculty explained that he had initially baulked at the idea of being an 'Intermediary' which is HMRCs preferred word to describe accountants and tax agents.

He changed his mind after looking up Tax Adviser in the Yellow Pages and finding it wedged between Tatooists and Taxidermists!

The shy and retiring accountant

One who is £1 million shy and hence is retiring.