The client accountants love to hate

"Hello Accounts Lady"
"Nemi?" "I'm busy, what are you doing here?"
I just wanted to say 'Hi'

"And?"
"And that I've brought my accounts for 2009."
"Good"

"Here they are. Must dash!"

Nemi by Lise appears in The Metro. This cartoon published 26 October 2010

Desperately seeking an attractive accountant

Spotted this twitter trail recently (posted by a young lady in Auckland, New Zealand)

Dear Universe. I would like some kind of super-good-looking young well-hung accountant boyfriend who will do my tax returns and gst for me.

Reply from a friend:

Does he have to be a good cook too or is that asking too much?

Response:

Well I can cook quite well so I'd be happy to do all the cooking if he did all the paperwork haha ;)

Then 30 minutes later:

I can't believe no accountants have asked me out yet! Michelle must have been joking about me being a guy magnet. How cruel! :-

Thank you @KristieAddison from the Transit of Venus Project

We asked 100 tax inspectors....

A survey asked 100 tax inspectors whether it annoyed them to give tax rebates.
Sadly 5 of the inspectors said that it did.
The other 95 couldn't answer the question as they didn't know what a rebate was!

Thanks to Neil Warren who related this story in a recent article in Taxation2 magazine.

The employment tax case of the year

This case involves a former accountancy and finance student who became a lapdancer at the Stringfellows club in London.

Nadine Quashie is now trying to pursue an unfair dismissal claim through the Employment Tribunal after being fired in December 2008 following allegations of drug use and dealing. The club claims that she was self-employed and that given her accountancy studies she would have know this.

As noted on AccountingWeb, "this case presents a classic challenge for the badges of employment tests and some messy tax implications for all sides".

It's no longer the Big 4. Now there are five!

When I joined the world of tax after qualifying as a chartered accountant in 1982, my 'bible' was the Yellow Tax Handbook. For some time there was just the one volume. (Yes, I know there was an orange one too, but that had stuff in it I rarely needed back then).

By 2001 the Yellow book had expanded to two volumes. In 2007 it was four volumes and now, for the first time it's a five volume colossus.

Couldn't decide whether to post this here or to add some commentary on the TaxBuzz blog. Guess it's only the title that's vaguely amusing really. The ever growing quantity of tax law is no joke! (I commented on this a year ago: Twice as much tax law under Labour as in previous 18 years)

The irrelegious tax partner

A tax partner in a firm of chartered accountants has a heart attack at work, and is taken to hospital.
A couple of weeks later, he is sitting up in bed, having made the beginnings of a good recovery. The office’s senior partner goes to visit the patient in hospital. He finds the patient sitting up in bed reading The Bible.
“Good morning. How are you? What are you reading?”
“Hello, I’m reading the Bible.”
“Why? I didn’t know you were religious.”
“I’m not. I’m looking for loopholes.”

With thanks again to Clive Browne of Browne and Green accountants

Where does money come from?

This joke was apparently part of a cartoon that appeared in Accountancy many years ago.

A man, clearly to be viewed as an accountant, is standing in front of an ATM, withdrawing cash. With him are two boys.

On seeing the cash being withdrawn from the ATM, one boy turns to the other and says,

"There - I told you money doesn't grow on trees!"

With thanks to Clive Browne of Browne And Green accountants

Lonely hearts - accountant style

Found on CareersInAudit.com