Dilbert and the tax sandwich

Scott Adams's take on Google's reported use of the Dutch Sandwich tax scheme

Punk accountants

Genuine tweets about tax, taxman and accountants

TAX!!! SO MAJESTICALLY BORING! I want to stick these receipts into the empty heart shaped cavity in the chest of the inland revenue.

STOP PRESS: The Inland Revenue wasted postage/ink/admin/ur taxes to advise that I owe EIGHT PENCE! Really, never knew they had such gsoh..
[ur = your; gsoh = good sense of humour]

Ugh...do I have to get up and go to work today? Haven't I already put in enough hrs this week? Sometimes I hate being a tax accountant :(

My accountant uses the words "bangin'" and "smoking" when discussing my tax return. I find this oddly comforting.

Visiting my tax accountant today - the only loud talker I can tolerate. Being friendly and the fact that I only see her 45 mins a yr helps.

I have embarrassingly ardent feelings for our accountant, Mel. He's in his seventies but efficiency and accuracy are SUCH a turn-on.

Really....one day I'll be a really great accountant. But the statistics are starting to get on my nerves today.

Just got a very nice tax rebate from the lovely people at the Inland Revenue. :-)

Tax related xmas pressies - a Batmobile

If frivolous spending revs your engine, drive no further than a working replica of the Batmobile, available complete with rocket-exhaust flamethrower from Firebox.com for a whopping £120,000.

It’ll get the driver to client meetings at a fair lick; top speed is 90mph, which ain’t bad for an oversized toy that weighs nearly two tonnes. And, given that it’s the fabulously-finned version from the 1960s TV show, the car qualifies for road tax purposes as a classic (it says here). If it’s really authentic it’ll run on nuclear power and therefore create zero carbon dioxide emissions – thus qualifying for 100% capital allowances and a 5% benefit-in-kind charge. Vroom, vroom!

As suggested by Daniel Selwood, Taxation magazine's online editor.

When you're a magician and Daddy's an accountant

With due credit to Leo Cullum. Published in The New Yorker 10/4/2004

There's nothing certain but the UNDEAD and taxes

I've lost track of how many people have drawn this new game to my attention. Thank you everyone.

In 2010, a terrifying zombie outbreak threatens to consume humanity and you fall victim to the undead curse, doomed to hunger for human flesh. In a startling turn of events, the army actually manages to contain and eliminate the threat. Life quickly returns to normal.

Except you’re still a zombie. And it’s tax season.

Complete tax returns as fast as possible without eating your coworkers! With any luck, you can still make it to zombie partner.

Accountants anonymous

Allegedly heard at an accounting support group:

"It seemed so harmless. I started making journal entries..then, secretly at home, I would post the entries to T accounts, and then I started recording them in ledgers. It just felt so good, and then I started doing financial statements and I couldn't stop.... "

My apologies to anyone attending such a group and for whom this is a real issue.

That nice man on the radio.....

After the ubiquitous John Whiting had spoken at an event recently, I was talking to one of his ex-colleagues. Let's call her 'Mandy'.

Mandy told me that her mother had been very impressed to learn that she worked with

"that nice man on the radio"

John of course has long been the BBC's first choice to explain tax issues on radio and TV.

I asked Mandy, in jest, if she'd ever thought to ask John for his autograph - as a gift for her mum. Maybe a signed photo even. She laughed.

"I'm pretty sure my mum has this picture of John Whiting in her head and imagines he looks like the actor John Forsythe who played Blake Carrington, in the 80s TV show, Dynasty."

We mused for a moment about whether Mandy could ask John to autograph a photo of 'Blake' and decided, for various reasons that she wouldn't do it.

Still, the question is, should John Whiting carry a stack of photos to provide autographed copies to his legions of fans. Or is Mandy's mum a one off?

500 not out

This is the 500th item posted on the blog. Think that should prove something about accountants having fun! ;-)

To 'celebrate' I offer a selection of the references to '500 accountants' courtesy of Google:

14 Jun 2010 ... The survey, carried out by the Institute of Certified Public Accountants in Ireland (CPA), questioned more than 500 accountants employed in ...

25 Nov 2009 ... Obviously the only way you could spend an evening in the company of 500 accountants is if someone else is paying, so I'm very grateful to ..

22 Mar 2004 ... But 83 per cent of the 500 accountants, IT managers, retail workers, builders and doctors surveyed were weak on Brit Art, the most talked ...

20 Jul 2007 ... Over 500 accountants in practice have already joined the scheme, which sets new benchmarks in the quality of the services and products ...

Since 1988 has acted for over 500 accountants and represented well over 300 before tribunals. Member of the Academy of Experts 1991. ...

5 Nov 2009 ... Sharon Ward, Managing Partner of Roffe Swayne commented 'John is one of only 500 Accountants nationally that have been awarded the Diploma ...

Nearly 500 accountants in the Gulf region already hold the ACA and are members of the ICAEW, but this will be the first time that the qualification will be ...

2 Jul 2010 ... More than 500 accountants turned up on Wednesday to learn about iXBRL-based Corporation Tax solutions in the slightly surreal surroundings ...

Questionnaires were sent across the USA to a random sample of 500 accountants who were members of the Institute of Internal Auditors (IIA) or the Institute ...

2 Nov 2009 ... Indeed, although a majority of the Fortune 500 accountants and Big Four auditors believe that the SEC should adopt IFRS, only 44% believe ...

22 May 2010 ... Some of the best are reproduced here, but just like 500 accountants on the bottom of the ocean, it's only a beginning. ...

David Gauke's schoolboy interest in taxation

The Exchequer Secretary to the Treasury, David Gauke MP, introduced his speech at the ICAEW's 2012 Hardman memorial lecture with an amusing recollection.

He said:

My first experience of tax policy was, as a schoolboy, listening to Philip Hardman’s analyses of the Budgets of the 1980s.

Now I don’t want to give a false impression that, as a teenager, I had a precocious interest in tax matters, or that I rushed home from school for the sole purpose of watching a discussion about the tax changes contained in a Budget. I like to think I was pretty normal for my age. And that my interests were fairly typical for a teenage boy – cricket, football, girls and, of course, macroeconomics.