Accountants and sex

The cover of the June issue of Accountancy magazine was adorend by what some have described as a 'racy' picture of a young lady in fishnets, high heels and a skimpy little black negligee. She was lounging on a red velvet backdrop holding a fan of playing cards with others scattered around her and one tucked into her garter.

Beneath the picture the first line was: New ICAEW President.
For the record, the new president is David Furst with whom I worked closely for many years during my time at Horwath Clark Whitehill. Indeed, David proposed me for partnership there.

A closer study of the cover reveals the real headline for the photo is further up the page:
Gambling tips - seducing the finance world.

I've just heard that readers in the Middle East are wondering why the authorities have removed the cover such that Accountancy is being distributed 'coverless' (or is that, 'topless'?).

Is this the first time that Accountancy magazine has been censored?

Not another boring accountant (part two)

I explained how and why I came to appear on Newsnight in a previous posting.

My actual TV slot comprised a very short magic trick (the self assessment pom pom stick) followed by me entering into the spirit of things, by being shown 'magically' changing from one outfit to another.. The idea was to provide examples to match the voice over - If not a magician then what next for the chartered accountant in films? So, through the wonders of television, as they say, they showed me magically transforming into a mad scientist then a James Bond style secret agent and finally a gumshoe detective.

At the end I recall Peter Snow, who hadn't seen what we filmed, started his subsequent interview by saying. Of course, not all accountants are as entertaining as Mark Lee. How kind!

Traffic Wardens and Tax Inspectors

Imagine you are driving and see two people ahead of you who won't get out of the way. You recognise them as a local traffic warden and a tax inspector. If you had to hit one of them which would you choose?

Accountants would generally go for the Inspector of Taxes. After all, it has to be Business before Pleasure.

Thanks again to Keith Gordon for sharing that one with me.

Had to happen

At the CIOT London Branch Dinner last night Keith Gordon feigned disappointment at finding himself again responsible for introducing the after dinner speaker. It seems he only knows one clean tax joke and he'd told it last year.

Keith said that had asked a contact at HMRC for ideas. Apparently the contact claimed to have such a big collection of tax jokes that he promised to send them to Keith on a CD.

Sadly it never arrived.

[In case anyone is still reading this blog long after 2008, you should be aware that there was a big news story in the UK earlier this year when HMRC lost 2 CDs' containing the personal data of 12 Million taxpayers. Thus Keith's joke was well received!]

Not another boring accountant

In 1997 I had my first call from the BBC. I was on the phone to someone else when my secretary rushed in to tell me that Newsnight wanted to speak to me.

I decided to take the call. My mind was racing. Could they have become aware of my expertise in advising on the changing basis of taxation and the introduction of self-assessment? Did they need a new media pundit to explain the Chancellor’s tax decisions in the budget. Did they want me to expand on a recent article I’d written in the accountancy press? In a split second I saw myself as a regular TV pundit explaining complex tax issues so that a TV audience could understand them. It never happened!

Apparently that morning there had been a full page feature in one of the broadsheets, as a result of a press release issued by one of the largest firms of accountants. It seems that they were sponsoring a new film in which they had insisted that the lead character would be a chartered accountant, rather than a solicitor. Then, as now, films were more likely to feature sexy solicitors and luscious lawyers rather than the exciting and glamorous life of a chartered accountant.

The producer of Newsnight wanted to do a piece about the prospective film and whether there was any real prospect of chartered accountants being seen as anything other than boring.

I remember asking how the producer had got my name. I found out later that they had phoned the Institute of Chartered Accountants and asked if they had any accountants who weren’t boring. Apparently, the PR people they spoke to immediately thought of someone quite senior. But then concluded that he was boring. The same things happened for the next two senior people they thought of. "Oops, no sorry, he's boring too." So, they gave up but tried to make out that they simply didn't want to be seen to be favouring anyone in particular. They suggested instead that the researcher contact Accountancy Age newspaper. Now, I was well-known to a number of the journalists on Accountancy Age and had been featured on the back cover two or three times with some spurious link between accountancy, tax and magic.

As a result, they passed on my details to the Newsnight producer who thought that I'd be perfect. A successful chartered accountant with a sideline as a bit of a magician. And best of all I wasn't boring!

I'll share the rest of this story on this blog on another occasion.

Life without timesheets

Hugh Williams FCA is the author of a book 'Life without timesheets' - which sets out how his practice embraced the idea and stopped charging by the hour many years ago.

I've just seen a copy of one of his other books (101 ways to grow your business) in which he shares a little ditty:

When accountants and solicitors charge by the hour
Clients moan about fees and relationships sour
So throw away timesheets
Fix the price of all you do
Bill 'em upfront and clients'll love you!

Whilst I'm not as passionate about this as is Hugh I do know of an increasing number of firms who are 'trashing the timesheet' - at least in so far as they no longer use timesheets to determine the fees they charge.

I  have included several related items on my other blog for ambitious accountants.

There's a hole in my budget

Topical parody of the old 'Hole in my bucket' song that ends up where it started.

This one features Alastair Darling and Gordon Brown - with both parts sung by Rory Bremner.
It was first broadcast on Bremner, Bird and Fortune in May 2008