After the Taxation awards last night....

I was in a cab and the driver asked me where I'd been.

When I told him he has astonished that such an awards ceremony could exist.

He asked me whether the awards included: Who's paid most tax and Who has avoided most tax!

Sean Locke at the Taxation awards

Sean Locke was the comic turn before the awards were announced last night. Before moving into his more mainstream material he shared some topical tax related thoughts including:

This is the 11th year of the awards - if you don't count the 3 years we didn't declare.

Good to see HMRC have a table here tonight. It's easy to see which one it is as all the waiters are wearing balaclavas.

I told some friends I'd got this gig and they reckoned tax advisers would all be boring. But you're not. I've met a few tonight. One even showed me his favourite receipts.

The Apprentice - Edward the accountantist

Edward Hunter was the first candidate 'fired' in the latest series of The Apprentice. As he left the Boardroom he was advised by Lord Sugar to remember: "There's no shame in being an accountant."

Edward himself made a number of related observations about his profession including:

• I'm the wheeler dealer who accidentally became a financial professional.
• I was trained at one of the biggest accountancy firms (PWC); but I don't fit the mould.
• I don't need to show off that I can work out margins; I'm an accountant.
• I'm mildly accountantist (anti accountants)
• Whenever I'm introduced to anyone and I want to stop the conversation, I just say, 'I'm an accountant'.
• I think every accountant will look at me and think, 'that's how I feel' (negative about accountancy).

Not a great advert for the profession.

(I posted a link to his audition video in a separate blog post here)

"There's no shame in being an accountant" Edward

This is 'The Apprentice' audition video of a self-confessed "wheeler-dealer" chartered accountant.

Did his performance on the first episode of The Apprentice 2011 have a positive or negative impact on how the public perceive Chartered Accountants?

No VAT increase on lapdances

Sign seen outside a 'gentlemens' club on Piccadilly Circus, London

Given that VAT went up 4 months ago it would seem that the world of lapdancing is struggling to attract punters....

5 crazy claims for tax deductions from business profits

1 - Cost of hiring an arsonist – NO
A man with a failing furniture business decided to hire someone to burn it down. The store-owner's plan was not only to collect the $500,000 insurance money, but also to deduct the $10,000 expenses of hiring the arsonist! Not a smart man.

2 - Fake Boobs - YES
A stripper going by the name of CHESTY LOVE used her hard-earned savings to boost the size of her boobs, to the eye-popping size of 56-FF. She figured it would get her more tips. And the write-off was allowed, being considered a stage prop essential to her act.

3 - Cat food - YES
Junkyard owners set out bowls of pet food nightly to attract wild cats. The wild cats also took care of their nasty snake and rat problem, making the junkyard safer for customers and providing a useful business service. Yep, you guessed it…the pet food is a business expense, it was allowed.

4 - Body Oil - YES
If you’re a regular Joe, body oil is a once in a blue-moon splurge. Maybe something to spice up an evening with your partner, but certainly not a write-off. However, if you’re a pro bodybuilder and need gallons of body oil to make your muscles glisten, then it is a genuine tax write-off. Just don’t turn up at a client meeting covered in oil, wearing nothing but a thong and a smile.

5 - A ‘Playmate' Party - YES!
The owner of a nightclub promotions firm decided that a regular party wasn’t good enough for his clients. So, he brought in a bunch of scantily clad “bunnies” as decoration. The tax man said sure, it’s a valid expense. Whether or not pictures of the bunnies were attached to the return is unknown at this time.

Taken from a US list of 20 Amazing tax deductions

Music for accountants....

In a post on AccountingWeb, Accountant Richard Joseph claims to have the original scripts for the Motown version of an accountants' musical which was was mooted in the seventies, and the lead song turned out to be a big hit for Marvin Gaye, - "I Audit Through the Grapevine".

Richard continues:

But, of course, who else but the Beatles would have been the orginators of the accountants musical theme, when they came out with their classic tribute to the audit profession in 1965 with "Tick it to Ride".

Rumours are still going about of an album of songs to be released in honour of our profession by Gary Barlow, of the internationally renowned boy-band "Tick That". But I haven't actually heard any of them yet.