Outrageous late payment excuses

This only has a tangential connection with accountancy but still feels worth sharing here. Drawn from a survey conducted by FreeAgent and summarised on AccountingWeb:

• Can I just buy you a pint and call it quits?
• Our chief executive is still on his sailing holiday
• I have been in hospital for 2 weeks to have my tonsils taken out (they hadn’t)
• My cat is sick
• My dog ate your invoice
• Your invoice was unethical
• I have no money left, but you’ll get what you’re owed if you work on my new project. And move with me to Qatar.
• You didn’t chase me enough for payment
• (to a professional photographer) The photograph you took is of me, so I don’t need to pay you
• I referred you to a friend, so I thought that would mean you wouldn't charge me

Any more?

Does an FD need to keep a close touch on everything?

A UK based Finance Director once reported that he had realised all was not well when he discovered that the company's BMW was actually in Madrid and being used by a prostitute.

Apparently this led to the FD's realisation that the company was not totally committed to traditional corporate governance.

Monty Python - The audit

Strangely current despite dating back to pre decimilisation!
NB: Only worth watching through to 1.46. The rest is quite separate.

Fighting off the ladies is half the job

While this t-shirt is self mocking it did make me smile, hence the reason it's on the blog this week.

It's available from TeeSpring.

A quick thinking junior accountant

Some years back a trainee accountant joined the headquarters of a large firm. He was a graduate of a top University and thought rather highly of himself.

On his first day he dialled the canteen and shouted into the phone, “Get me some coffee, quick!”

The voice from the other side responded “You fool, you’ve dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you are talking to?”

“No”, replied the trainee.

“It’s the Managing Partner, you fool!” The voice shouted back.

The trainee did some quick thinking and asked forcefully, “And do you know who you’re talking
to, you fool?”

“No”, replied the Managing Partner.

“Good”, said the trainee as he hung up.

Just as well this was long before we all had trackable direct dial extension numbers and caller display!

Why are accountants.....?

You know how Google offers you suggestions as to what others have searched for with the same opening words as you have typed in the search box?

Here are some screen shots of what Google suggested for 3 searches starting: "Why are accountants..."

I especially like the fact that there's only one common question starting: Why are accountants always..."

Which is your favourite?

My thanks to David Lewis for prompting me about this, following a similar experiment conducted by Adrian Pearson.

Dr Who once did tax returns satire

There was 4 part story called  The Sunmakers broadcast during Tom Baker's time as the Doctor. At the start of the first episode the Doctor encounters a character contemplating suicide because he can't afford to pay his taxes. The Doctor assures him he just needs a good accountant.

Most of the corridors in The Sunmakers were named after UK tax forms (circa 1977), as the story was intended as a satire of contemporary British taxes.