Typical problem client

Almost every accountant who completes self-assessment tax returns will recognise the following three archetypal clients:

Kara Earabahg – She saves everything up for you and lets you have it in a big plastic bag. You or your staff have to work through a load of irrelevant papers to identify the data that is relevant to the tax return. And sometimes you wonder if you’ve found it all.

Ian Complete – He never sends over everything you need. Typically he forgets to provide details of his pension contributions, gift aid donations and sundry allowable business deductions.

Lars Minit – He ignores all your requests and prompts. He gets you everything you need only just before the filing deadline and has faith in your ability to ensure he avoids late filing penalties.

Best excuses for late filings at Companies House

Each year Companies House receive unusual excuses from directors who fail to file their company accounts on time.

 Some of the most outrageous reasons given include:

•  “goats ate my accounts” 
• “I found my wife in the bath with my accountant” 
• “pirates stole my accounts” 
• “we delivered the accounts to the betting office next door to Companies House” 
• “a volcano erupted and prevented me from filing” 
• “slugs ate my accounts” 
• “it was Valentine’s Day” 
• “my company was more successful than I thought it would be, so I was too busy to file”

Texting abbreviations used by Accountants

LOL = Lots Of Ledgers

TIA = Taxes In Action

WAYF = Where Are Your Files

CRM = Client Rates Me

BRB = Brilliantly Reconciled Bank

FTW = Fin-Tech Wizards

ROFL = reporting on financials live

LMAO = loving my accounting online

IMHO = invoicing my heart out

BFF = bank feeds’r fast

WTF = wicked tax filing

Materiality - the music video

The ever-so material accounting song you've all been waiting for!! Materiality is an auditor's anthem created by two accounting musicians: Petty Ca$h [rap] & Auditor Meri [lead vocals & music production].

The role of an auditor

The role of the company auditor is commonly misunderstood.

To help clarify the the limited responsibilities of auditors, reference is often made to the immortal words of Lord Justice Stopes in the Kingston Cotton Mill case: "The auditor is a watchdog not a bloodhound".
Many years later this phrase was famously corrupted by an aspiring young accountancy student. During an examination where he felt under significant time pressure he wrote, in evident frustration: "The auditor is a watchdog, not a bloody greyhound".

When Allan was an accountant on the streets

Many years ago I met Allan Kutner at a local club for aspiring speakers. 

Allan was a city-based Chartered Accountant who told a wonderful story about his early years. I encouraged him to send it in to Accountancy Age who duly printed extracts in their ‘Taking Stock’ back cover feature. 

I recently traced a copy that I must have retained over the years and am delighted to be able to record it on this blog for posterity:

Allan’s hope was that his cautionary tale would help others to overcome the stigma and guilt that society instils in accountants.

After exhibiting an early obsession with maths Allan says that he started going up the city and hanging round Threadneedle Street. 

“I’d go up to business men and ask if they wanted an audit” he writes. “At first they would just look at me disgustedly and rush off. But gradually some would stop and ask ‘how much?’. I would tell them – for a full audit and typed report, £250. But if they just wanted an interim and handwritten report, I’d do it for £50.”

One thing led to another and soon Allan was asked to do a full corporation tax computation, including group relief. “I’d heard of people doing that sort of thing ended up in institutions! I needed help – and fast.”

“I’d heard of an institution that helped people like me. I went along to a meeting of the English ICA. They got me off the backstreet accounting and helped me to lead a decent life.It’s thanks to them I reformed.”

What Big 4 accountancy partners do outside of the office....

A newly qualified accountant in one of the larger firms was having a celebratory drink with some of the partners in his firm.

They were encouraging him to take an interest in professional affairs - as they all did.

''What do you do,'' he asked. One said he was on the local branch committee, another chaired a tax discussion group, a third was a practice support member.

The oldest partner was unusually coy and then announced that his involvement in professional affairs was limited to making regular appearances in disciplinary hearings after clients complained about his work.

One of his fellow partners was quite new to the firm and was astonished to hear this. Later the new parter asked if what he'd heard was really true, that the older partner made regular appearances in disciplinary hearings after clients complained about his work.

''Oh no'', came the reply, ''The senior partner's a member of the Financial Reporting Council; he's just too embarrassed to admit it!"