Friday, July 29, 2016

Auditors are people too - a poem

Auditors are people too, we’re not nasty and mean
No need for fear and loathing whenever we are seen
Don’t hide behind your desk or go and nervously take flight
We’re only there to try to make sure everything’s all right
So when we do a test it isn’t just because we can
It’s to check your system’s working right all neatly spick and span
When we ask awkward questions it’s simply that we care
That your records may be incomplete with not all you need there
We look for fraud it’s true but hope to find it? We do not!
Dealing with fraud just adds more to the work that is our lot
Yes auditors are lovely with a helpful task to do
It’s only incidental when we make more work for you
I hope that now you understand and so, what do you say
Will you fight prejudice and hug an auditor today?

Penned by Stephen Brown 

Friday, July 15, 2016

The Owl and the Pussycat may well have been into tax avoidance

A simple analysis suggests that this Edward Lear poem is all about tax avoidance.


The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea [going offshore obviously]
In a beautiful pea green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money, [evidently cash]
Wrapped up in a five pound note. [money laundering perhaps?]

Pussy said to the Owl, 'You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?'
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the Bong-tree grows [obviously a tax haven]

The big clue is in that penultimate line. Leaving the UK for a year and a day is the minimum period of absence required to ensure that they secured non-resident status under the rules then in place.

The above analysis was offered in 2009 by Andrew Hubbard, now Editor in Chief of Taxation magazine, when he was newly installed as President of CIOT, after the Chartered Tax Advisers' address on the anniversary of Edward Lear's birthday.

Friday, July 08, 2016

Funny message on gift card for retiring accountant

Message seen on the front of a greeting card given to a tax partner on his retirement from a sizeable firm of accountants:
All I ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

Friday, July 01, 2016

The accountant song (Money all day)

This song seems to have been inspired by working for one of the big 4 accountancy firms



Friday, June 24, 2016

New style acronyms for accountants


YAPAs - Young Ambitious Professional Accountants

EWES - Experts With Expensive Style

TAPAS - Top Accountants Planning Awesome Setoffs

MAGIC - Masterful Accountants Generating Instant Credits

TRICKs - Tax Returns that Interest Cute Kittens

CARDS - Clever Accountants Reading Dull Standards

PAULA - People Against the Use of Lousy Acronyms

Friday, June 03, 2016

Stand Up comedian reveals why he gave up accountancy

Indian comedian Kunal Rao starts his set by explaining why he gave up chartered accountancy.


He moves onto other topics after 2 minutes.