Friday, May 20, 2016

There are only two types of accountants in the world....

There are more than two types of aphorisms along these lines. Here are some of my faves. Any more?

There are only three types of accountants in the world....
....Those who can count and those who can't.

There are only 10 types of accountants in the world....
.... Those who understand binary and those who don't

There are only two types of accountants in the world....
....Those who walk into a room and say, ‘There you are!’ – and those who say, ‘Here I am!’ ”  (original credited to Abigail Van Buren)

There are only two types of accountants in the world....
.....Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

Friday, May 06, 2016

What might GAAP stand for?

Strictly speaking GAAP stands for Generally Accepted Accounting Principles but I prefer the suggestion that GAAP is the difference between accounting theory and accounting practice.

Or could it stand for one of the following?

Greatly Anticipated Auditing Performance
Grossly Aggressive Accountant's Punches
Gently Activating Accountant's Pencil
Generally Accidental Accounting Practices

Can you suggest any others?

Friday, April 29, 2016

Does an FD need to keep a close touch on everything?

A UK based Finance Director once reported that he had realised all was not well when he discovered that the company's BMW was actually in Madrid and being used by a prostitute.

Apparently this led to the FD's realisation that the company was not totally committed to traditional corporate governance.

Friday, April 22, 2016

"Morton's Fork" - the rock and a hard place options for taxpayers

The expression "Morton's Fork" originates from a policy of tax collection devised by John Morton, who was Lord Chancellor of England in 1487, under the rule of King Henry VII.

Morton's approach was that if the subject lived in luxury and had clearly spent a lot of money on himself, he obviously had sufficient income to spare for the king. Alternatively, if the subject lived frugally, and showed no sign of being wealthy, he must have substantial savings and could therefore afford to give it to the king. These arguments were the two prongs of the fork and regardless of whether the subject was rich or poor, he did not have a favourable choice.

The phrase is rarely used these days as there is a more common analogy when someone has a dilemma and has to choose between two equally unpleasant alternatives. We tend to say that they are either "Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea" or "Between a rock and a hard place".

Friday, April 15, 2016

Monty Python - The audit

Strangely current despite dating back to pre decimilisation!
NB: Only worth watching through to 1.46. The rest is quite separate.

Friday, April 08, 2016

Fighting off the ladies is half the job

While this t-shirt is self mocking it did make me smile, hence the reason it's on the blog this week.

It's available from TeeSpring.

Friday, March 25, 2016

A quick thinking junior accountant

Some years back a trainee accountant joined the headquarters of a large firm. He was a graduate of a top University and thought rather highly of himself.

On his first day he dialled the canteen and shouted into the phone, “Get me some coffee, quick!”

The voice from the other side responded “You fool, you’ve dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you are talking to?”

“No”, replied the trainee.

“It’s the Managing Partner, you fool!” The voice shouted back.

The trainee did some quick thinking and asked forcefully, “And do you know who you’re talking
to, you fool?”

“No”, replied the Managing Partner.

“Good”, said the trainee as he hung up.

Just as well this was long before we all had trackable direct dial extension numbers and caller display!