An Accountant dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter starts asking him all the usual questions required to get into heaven.
The accountant, it seems, has repeatedly helped people cheat on their taxes and embezzle funds. Finally, in exasperation, St Peter asks, “Well, have you ever done anything good, anything totally unselfish and altruistic in your entire life?”
“Well,” says the accountant, “Once I saw this pretty lady being beaten up by a bunch of hoodies. So I yelled “Hey jerks, why don’t you pick on somebody your own size” and then I reached for my mobile phone to call the police, and took off running. They forgot about her for a second and she managed to run also.
Saint Peter asks, “I’m looking through the book of your life, and I don’t see this incident recorded. When did it occur?”
The accountant replies, “About five minutes ago.”