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500 not out

This is the 500th item posted on the blog. Think that should prove something about accountants having fun! ;-)

To 'celebrate' I offer a selection of the references to '500 accountants' courtesy of Google:

14 Jun 2010 ... The survey, carried out by the Institute of Certified Public Accountants in Ireland (CPA), questioned more than 500 accountants employed in ...

25 Nov 2009 ... Obviously the only way you could spend an evening in the company of 500 accountants is if someone else is paying, so I'm very grateful to ..

22 Mar 2004 ... But 83 per cent of the 500 accountants, IT managers, retail workers, builders and doctors surveyed were weak on Brit Art, the most talked ...

20 Jul 2007 ... Over 500 accountants in practice have already joined the scheme, which sets new benchmarks in the quality of the services and products ...

Since 1988 has acted for over 500 accountants and represented well over 300 before tribunals. Member of the Academy of Experts 1991. ...

5 Nov 2009 ... Sharon Ward, Managing Partner of Roffe Swayne commented 'John is one of only 500 Accountants nationally that have been awarded the Diploma ...

Nearly 500 accountants in the Gulf region already hold the ACA and are members of the ICAEW, but this will be the first time that the qualification will be ...

2 Jul 2010 ... More than 500 accountants turned up on Wednesday to learn about iXBRL-based Corporation Tax solutions in the slightly surreal surroundings ...

Questionnaires were sent across the USA to a random sample of 500 accountants who were members of the Institute of Internal Auditors (IIA) or the Institute ...

2 Nov 2009 ... Indeed, although a majority of the Fortune 500 accountants and Big Four auditors believe that the SEC should adopt IFRS, only 44% believe ...

22 May 2010 ... Some of the best are reproduced here, but just like 500 accountants on the bottom of the ocean, it's only a beginning. ...
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How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

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How many would you like it to be?

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

Hmmm....let me run a few numbers and get back to you....

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to make sure it was done within budget

And lastly, my favourite:

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but he'll have 1500 of them to do on 31st January.

(This response was suggested by Adrian Higgs)

Are you a prostitute or are you an auditor?

1. You work very odd hours.

2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.

4. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.

5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended.

6. You are not proud of what you do.

7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.

8. It's difficult to have a family.

9. You have no job satisfaction.

10. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client.

11. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.

12. People ask you, "What do you do?" and you can't explain it.

13. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.

14. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.

15. Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or Jaguars.

16. Your pimp encourages drinking and you become addicted to drugs to ease the pain of it all.

17. You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client…

Ken Dodd and the Inland Revenue

The comedian Ken Dodd, was prosecuted for tax evasion in 1989 as has been mentioned on this blog before, here and here. I'd love to find a clip of him talking about it in his act. For now though here are a couple of references to comments he makes about the experience.

He is known to introduce himself as a “failed accountant”. That, he explains, is simply to establish a rapport with the audience. “People today are all stressed out about home economics, and accountants are the current bogeymen. [Since when?]

Dodd is the butt of a lot of his material and repeated references are made to his love of money, his dislike of what he insists on calling the Inland Revenue and his past run-in with them. “They sent me a self-assessment form the other day. To me! I invented self-assessment.”

During the trial it was revealed that Dodd had very little money in his bank account. He did however have £336,000 in cash stashed in suitcases in his attic. When asked by the judge, "What does a…