Find the cheapest accountant you can. Bonus points if they're your cousin’s mate.
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Give them your books at the last minute – ideally in a carrier bag.
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Don’t involve your accountant in major decisions – just let them “sort it out later.”
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Draw as much as you like from your limited company bank account – it’s your money, right?
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Pay your taxes late and file your returns late – HMRC love a bit of extra interest.
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Always listen to your mate Dave down the pub. His situation sounds exactly like yours.
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Ignore all reminders from HMRC – they’ll get back to you if it’s urgent.
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Treat your accountant like a form-filler, not a business adviser – why waste their brainpower?
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Leave your VAT registration until you've already blown through the threshold.
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Keep poor records – better still, don’t keep any at all.
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Assume that if you paid tax last year, you’ll owe the same this year – why check?
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And finally, always argue about your accountant’s fees. Because saving a few hundred pounds there is far more important than the thousands you might save in tax.
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