Skip to main content

Topical tax tweets - Max 140 characters

Just completed online tax return, have overpaid by 5 pence - heartwarming feeling that I am helping solve the government deficit

About to disprove the slogan "tax doesn't have to be taxing"... Now where are all those things I put in a safe place in may 2009

Back to the tax return. Apologies in advance for any shouting, screaming, swearing and throwing stuff.

Me: "You must be run off your feet this time of year." Girl in HMRC Tax Helpline call centre: "Ohh, it's enough to drive you to drink."

Two bills from HMRC today, both demanding I pay different amounts. I wanted to spend all day on hold tho, so it's cool. STAB. STAB. STAB.

I spoke to a lovely lady from HMRC today, its always lovley when someone tells you to put a bill in the bin though!

Been on the phone to HMRC for 40 minutes, great phone call and really productive - ive listened to every song on their waiting album list

I haven't seen a single "Tax doesn't have to be taxing" ad this year (thankfully). Are HMRC cutting back on marketing?

Great to no longer feel pang of guilt when I drive past Moira's face on billboards warning of 31 Jan tax return deadline. Filed mine last wk

With thanks to Daniel from Taxation magazine for flagging these.
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

How many would you like it to be?

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

Hmmm....let me run a few numbers and get back to you....

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to make sure it was done within budget

And lastly, my favourite:

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but he'll have 1500 of them to do on 31st January.

(This response was suggested by Adrian Higgs)

Are you a prostitute or are you an auditor?

1. You work very odd hours.

2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.

4. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.

5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended.

6. You are not proud of what you do.

7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.

8. It's difficult to have a family.

9. You have no job satisfaction.

10. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client.

11. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.

12. People ask you, "What do you do?" and you can't explain it.

13. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.

14. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.

15. Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or Jaguars.

16. Your pimp encourages drinking and you become addicted to drugs to ease the pain of it all.

17. You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client…

When downsizing doesn't go quite as planned

The partners in a 20 strong accounting firm decided to downsize.
Half of the staff were duly handed their redundancy notices. The letters left them in no doubt the firm would be better off without them.

Selecting the half to make redundant had been a no-brainer for the partners: the firm was staffed by a mixture of very competent young people at various stages of training, and a motley crew of duffers who were mostly a waste of space. Some even had quirks that made them automatic choices: there was one guy who always arrived at the crack of dawn each morning - only to spend an hour on expensive sex chat-lines! And a twenty-something female who looked as though butter wouldn't melt, but was transformed into a door-slamming Banshee whenever told to go work on-site.

One of the staff who had been selected to stay, was recently qualified, and had just been head-hunted by his former mentor, a Big 4 Partner branching out with his own practice. Promoted to manager and charged with staffin…