Sunday, February 20, 2011

How to decide which receipts are important..

At an early point in her career Sandy Toksvig apparently had a temping job in the accounts department for Wandsworth sewer. She talked about this on Radio 4's The News Quiz on 11 February 2011 and explained:
"It was my job to work out which receipts were important and which were not."
And then she explained how she fulfilled her responsibility:
"All I did was put one in ten in the bin."



Friday, February 18, 2011

The last 10 pence

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son..
He gives the young boy three 10p coins to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face....
The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back..

The boy coughs up 2 of the 10p's but is still choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly... tighter and tighter !!!
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of the 10ps, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "


'No,' the woman replied.
I'm a tax inspector at HMRC...'

My thanks to Alan Phillips of Phillips Associates for passing this on.

Monday, February 07, 2011

Ogden Nash on economics and tax

"Abracadabra, thus we learn the more you create, the less you earn. The less you earn, the more you're given,
the less you lead, the more you're driven,
the more destroyed, the more they feed,
the more you pay, the more they need,
the more you earn, the less you keep,
And now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord my soul to take,
if the tax-collector hasn't got it before I wake."