Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Who gets the Minimum Wage?

Andy Atkins is an elderly accountant operating from offices above a shop in a small town. One day he received a letter from HMRC, stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the National Minimum Wage and they would send an inspector to interview them. On the appointed day, the inspector turned up.

"Tell me about your staff," he asked Andy.

"Well," said Andy, "there's my accounting trainee, I pay him £240 a week, and cover the costs of his training. Then there's my PA. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging in the flat above the office. There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week, along with a bottle of whisky, and as a special treat occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."

"That's disgraceful" said the inspector, “I need to interview the half-wit."

"That'll be me then," said Andy.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Fifteen funny books for accountants

  1. Internal Control Weaknesses by Kermit Fraud
  2. Authorisation Limits by Mustapha Siggnatjeur
  3. How Not To Panic At Year End by Wendy Orditors-Cumming
  4. Cash Control for Dummies by Hans Intils
  5. Rough Guide to Accounting by Major Control-Weakness
  6. Double Entry Delights by General Ledgers
  7. Financial Planning for Beginners by Bud Jett
  8. Monthly Reporting by Anna Litticle
  9. Excel Analysis by Rosa Dayter
  10. The Notes to the Accounts by Hugh Kairs
  11. Capital Tax Planning by Muvinov Sure
  12. Insolvency by Justin Casey-Folds
  13. The Missing VAT Trader by Cara Zell
  14. Big Bonus by Laura Cash
  15. Unexplained Difference by Frank D Scussions
With due credit to Graham Thomas-Widger and Karen Watson who posted these (and a few others I didn't get) on AccountingWeb

Monday, July 25, 2011

An accountant with CSE Grade one Woodwork

At Art in Action I started chatting with Bruce Aitken who makes amazing and stylish wooden clocks.

It transpired he used to be a design and technology (DT) teacher. I admitted that I had failed DT at school but explained I did get a CSE grade 1 in Woodwork. "I went on to qualify as an accountant" I added "but no one seemed very interested in my CSE grade 1 in Woodwork."

Bruce's instinctive response made me smile: "Though you could have made a beautiful abacus" he said.

I think the time may have passed.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

I'm an audit. I'm a tax return. Apple ad parody

Not just a parody though. This is also a neat way that one firm highlighted the cross-selling opportunities available to staff. I just wish they hadn't made the tax guy out to be the boring one!

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Friday, July 01, 2011

HMRC could pilot RTI on its own payroll

Had a wicked thought last night. Think it belongs on this blog as it made me smile!

HMRC have said that they intend to run a pilot exercise to collate Real Time Information from volunteer employers in April 2012. Mandatory use of RTI for large employers will start from April 2013.

How about HMRC itself volunteers for the pilot re its own payroll? And taking that a stage further, how about if MPs were also included in this experiment?!

The journalist, the engineer, the lawyer and the accountant

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of Divisional Manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable perso...