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Showing posts from August, 2011

Hell's Grannies are to blame for the riots....

The following is an extract from an old Mython Python sketch about "Hell's Grannies":

Voice Over: Favourite targets for the old ladies are telephone kiosks.
Film of grannies carrying off a telephone kiosk; then painting slogans on a wall.

Policeman(coming up to them): Well come on, come on, off with you. Clear out, come on get out of it. (they clear off, he turns to camera) We have a lot of trouble with these oldies. Pension day's the worst - they go mad. As soon as they get their hands on their money they blow it all on milk, bread, tea, tin of meat for the cat.

Cut to cinema.

Cinema Manager: Yes, well of course they come here for the two o'clock matinee, all the old bags out in there, especially if it's something like 'The Sound of Music'. We get seats ripped up, hearing aids broken, all that sort of thing.

A policeman hustles two grannies out of the cinema.
Cut to reporter walking along street.


Reporter: The whole problem of these senile delinquents lies…

Complaints, complaints, complaints

We recently complained to HMRC about a repayment they were taking months to process.

We received a reply from one of their Complaints people saying that due to the volume of complaints they were dealing with, they would not be able to deal with our complaint for at least 35 days.

Needless to say, we complained about this... True story relayed by an accountant on AccountingWeb. Can anyone beat that?

VAT a daft idea for a builder taking cash in hand

Years ago, I lived literally a block down the road from the local VAT office. I got some quotes for a new driveway, and the best price by far was from a well-known local firm who gave me a double discount: one for paying cash (nudge nudge, wink wink, mind the Vat, know what I mean guv'nor), and one for putting their sign up to let the world know who did the work. Including, I suppose, the local VAT-man!Story related by Andrew Horder

Management Accountant performs at the Edinburgh Fringe

Award-winning comedian and management accountant Tom Goodliffe spent years in a job he didn’t like, to buy things he didn’t need to impress friends he didn’t have.

Rapidly approaching 30, he had spent the last few years thinking too much and living too little. Now, Tom Goodliffe, star of the Pleasance Comedy Reserve 2010, presents his debut solo show about life, love and living the dream. Expect spreadsheets.The show will be on every day (except for Monday 15th) at 3.45pm at Cabaret Voltaire – The Speakeasy in Edinburgh. Tickets are a fiver and can be bought here.

AA Gill perpetuates the myth about accountants

"The problem with maths on TV is the same as the problem with maths off TV. It's boring. Maths is the reason we have accountants, who in turn, are difficult and boring." I hope this blog goes some small way to evidence that such stereotyping is unfair.
From AA Gill's television column in the Sunday Times Culture section yesterday (p17)