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Accountant problems - as posted on twitter May 2012

The following tweets all appeared on twitter in May 2012 with the hashtag #accountantproblems

  • Getting laid is not an option for me. 
  • Indoors doing purchase testing. 
  • Reading about getting taxed when you die, sheff hallam I signed up for boring not depressing 
  • Why do people automatically assume we know everything about taxes as soon as we say we are CPAs? 
  • Why can't I make the numbers do my bidding??? 
  • When hot girls only talk to you for tax advice I hate accounting. 
  • My trial balance doesn't equal. 
  • I hate that the numbers on a telephone are opposite of a keyboard. I can never dial a phone number right the first time. 
  • The thought of spending the rest of my life in this profession is making this first work day even more miserable 
  • You accept an engagement and work till midnight. Non-chargeable admin code 
  • I am a pro-fes-ion-al at excel spreadsheets #nerd 
  • You complete a federal return and pass it up for review. Completed return for wrong year 
  • Hot girl: so what do you do for living? Me: I'm an accountant Hot girl: *silent pause* oh *walks away*

Any more? 
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Are you a prostitute or are you an auditor?

1. You work very odd hours.

2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.

4. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.

5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended.

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7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.

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The comedian Ken Dodd, was prosecuted for tax evasion in 1989 as has been mentioned on this blog before, here and here. I'd love to find a clip of him talking about it in his act. For now though here are a couple of references to comments he makes about the experience.

He is known to introduce himself as a “failed accountant”. That, he explains, is simply to establish a rapport with the audience. “People today are all stressed out about home economics, and accountants are the current bogeymen. [Since when?]

Dodd is the butt of a lot of his material and repeated references are made to his love of money, his dislike of what he insists on calling the Inland Revenue and his past run-in with them. “They sent me a self-assessment form the other day. To me! I invented self-assessment.”

During the trial it was revealed that Dodd had very little money in his bank account. He did however have £336,000 in cash stashed in suitcases in his attic. When asked by the judge, "What does a…