Friday, September 25, 2015

Joke: Chartered Accountants vs Management accountants and Certified accountants

Three accountants were in the urinal performing their morning constitutional. The first finishes and walks over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeds to dry his hands carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried. 

Turning to other two accountants, he says - "Management Accountants are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands. He     uses a single paper and makes sure that he dries every drop of water from his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turns and says - "Certified Accountants are not only trained be extremely thorough but also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third accountant finishes and walks straight for the door. "Chartered Accountants learn not to piss on their hands."

Friday, September 18, 2015

A winning suggestion....

A firm of accountants (that shall remain nameless) wanted to engage their staff in an efficiency drive so that everyone understood the need to be careful with the firm's money.

The partners introduced a suggestion scheme facility and promised a prize of £100 for the best suggestion each month - in terms of a simple to implement money saving measure.

The £100 prize was only awarded once.
It went to a manager who suggested reducing the monthly prize to £50.

Friday, September 04, 2015

7 top fun quotes about taxes

"Our tax code is so complicated, we've made it nearly impossible for even the Internal Revenue Service to understand."
FORMER TREASURY SECRETARY PAUL O'NEILL

"The United States is the only country where it takes more brains to figure your taxes than to earn the money to pay it."
SENATOR EDWARD J GURNEY (FLORIDA 1969-1974)

"The way I look at this, we essentially have a tax system that's held together by chewing gum and chicken wire."
ASSISTANT TREASURY SECRETARY FOR TAX POLICY PAMELA F OLSEN

"A friend is one who takes you to lunch even if you're not tax deductible."
JACK BENNY

"If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation."
FARMER'S ALMANAC

"The tax code last year included 2.8 million words. The Holy Bible itself has only about 775,000 words. Obviously, God did not need to issue such copious instructions for living as we currently have for complying with tax laws."
SENATOR ORRIN HATCH

"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
ALBERT EINSTEIN