Friday, May 19, 2017

This one is for American accountants only...

An accountant is talking to the young child of one of his friends and says, "Do you know what I do?'

"Daddy says you're a CPA."
"That's right. Did he tell you what CPA stands for?"
"Well, he says you're a Complete Pain in the Arse."

Friday, May 12, 2017

Three approaches to extracting confessions from taxpayers

Before everyone was merged into HMRC, the Inland Revenue, Contributions Agency, and Customs & Excise were all trying to prove they were the best at extracting confessions from taxpayers.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer decided to give them a test. He released a rabbit into a forest and each of them had to catch it.

 The Contributions Agency went first. They placed animal informants throughout the forest and questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they concluded that rabbits do not exist.

 The Revenue went next. After two weeks with no leads they burned the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they made no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

 Finally Customs went in. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.

The bear was yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"