Friday, February 23, 2018

Are HMRC scared of witches putting spells on them?

Some years back the Romanian government passed a law to tax the income of witches, fortune tellers, and astrologers.

Associated Press had previously reported that Romanian senators rejected a proposal to tax witches and fortune tellers. The suggestion was that they were scared of hearing those feared words:
"Abracadabra, we'll turn all of you into toads!"
At that time the draft law would have required witches and fortune tellers to produce receipts, and would also have held them liable for wrong predictions!

The BBC then reported that the witches were using cat excrement and dead dogs to cast spells on the government for making them pay income tax. Apparently Magic and superstition in Romania are taken very seriously. The president and his aides wear purple on Thursdays, allegedly to ward off evil spirits.

Somehow I can't imagine HMRC being worried about wrong predictions. They get enough of these from 'experts' ;-)

Friday, February 16, 2018

Abracadabra - economics and tax

"Abracadabra, thus we learn the more you create, the less you earn. 
The less you earn, the more you're given,
the less you lead, the more you're driven,
the more destroyed, the more they feed,
the more you pay, the more they need,
the more you earn, the less you keep,
And now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord my soul to take,
if the tax-collector hasn't got it before I wake."

Ogden Nash, American Poet, 1902-1971

Friday, February 09, 2018

A Valentine message for an Accountant

Debits are left
Credits are right
When I looked at you
Love at first sight.

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Balanced Ledgers
Have me thinking of you

Unbalanced Accounts 

Are near misses
Perfect though

Are your hugs and kisses

Fraud makes me sad
You make me glad

Please be my Accountant Valentine

Friday, February 02, 2018

How to simplify the PAYE system (or not!)

I'm told that an official from HMRC, who wishes to remain anonymous, has identified two key changes that would simplify our PAYE system and avoid most problems:
  1. Stop anyone from having more than one job at a time; and
  2. Only allow people to change jobs at midnight on 5 April each year.
No - I don't think they were serious.

Do you have any other ideas in a similar vein?

How to persuade the taxman your dog is a tax deductible business expense

Many years ago a publican had a meeting with a tax inspector in his pub. The publican had been claiming tax relief in respect the upkeep of ...