The accountant with a special time clock

There was an unscrupulous accountant who always overcharged his customers.

He had a special clock built that ran faster than other clocks. It ran at nearly twice the speed of a normal clock so that 1 hour would appear as 2 hours. He then tracked his time by using the fast clock and in essence doubled his billing hours.

He bragged about his overcharging process to his close friends and his wife. He also bragged about other topics such as his golf score, his time in running the mile and his endurance when being intimate with his wife.

The latter was his most proud accomplishment. Therefore, it took him by surprise when his wife filed for divorce a year later. He remonstrated with her “Dear why would you leave me? I have given you money, a fine house, companionship and a great love life!”

She replied, “True, you have given me money and a fine house – although by ill gotten gains. Your companionship is shallow because you only think of yourself AND as to your skills in the bedroom, I just wanted you to know that I had a clock made just like the one you use at work!”

Novel and fun claims for tax relief

I'd love to see other examples attached as comments to this posting.

Thanks to Keith Deane for letting me know about a self-employed accountant who worked from home. He claimed that he often received books from clients (especially jobbing builders) that were "covered in muck".

As a result he claimed that he had to constantly wash his hands to rid himself of exclusively business dirt and as such the water so consumed was an essential element of his business activity. Thus the accountant claimed a proportion of his household water bills as being business related.

Keith does not relate HMRC's reaction to the claim - though I think we can guess....

Now that's novel. What other examples can you suggest?

Some ecards re taxes - that made me smile