The Utterly Uninteresting & Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant

Regular viewers of this blog will know that I generally avoid posting 'fun' items that reinforce the age old insulting misconception that all accountants are boring.

Occasionally though I come across items that just have to be featured here despite my best intentions. And this book, written by Drew Hayes and published in 2014,  is one such item.

Frederick Frankford Fletcher ("Fred") was "a mild mannered accountant" in life and in death. First with a heartbeat and then without. As one of the reviews suggests:

"He’s the same undead as he was alive – a boring accountant with low self-esteem. He also learned early on that he is not good at the whole stalking prey, eating straight from the vein thing. So, he gave that up and gets his blood from a hospital as a favor for cooking their books."

I'm no fan of the whole vampire genre but the reviews I have seen of this book were enough to encourage me to download the kindle version (it was free when I did so) from Amazon.

Further review quotes:

Goodreads

Some people are born boring. Some live boring. Some even die boring. Fred managed to do all three, and when he woke up as a vampire, he did so as a boring one. Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort.

Zombie J 

The only small problem I had with this otherwise likeable book is it did get somewhat repetitive. Fred constantly reminded us of how boring, timid, non-confrontational, and non-vampirish he is. But he was one of those characters that is really pretty charming, even if he doesn’t know it himself. He’s quite adorkable, actually.

The value of accountants at awards ceremonies - according to Dr Sheldon Cooper

This clip from the popular TV show, The Big Bang Theory, was shown at the start of the Emmy's in 2012. In the clip the genius Dr Sheldon Cooper explains why accountants are much more than simply adding machines.

Bookkeeping and Accounting in 1945

This vocational guidance video shows what it was all about 70 years ago in 1945. It makes clear the distinction between bookkeepers and accountants, and mentions almost in passing their reliance on 'machines'.

The video also distinguishes the work of private accountants, who work in-house and public accountants who have many different clients. In the US they are still called CPAs (Certified Public Accountants). 

Accountants are also responsible for devising new bookkeeping systems and new methods of cost accounting. Accountants who specialise in this area were known as 'efficiency engineers' as an engineering background was very useful.

There's also career advice relevant to anyone considering bookkeeping or accounting (in 1945!)

Loved these quotes: 

"Because his job takes him form place to place, where he meets all kinds of people he must have a pleasing personality to be successful" NB: There is a clear presumption that all accountants were male in those days.

"Perhaps the most colourful accounting work is that of making special investigations". They worked for the FBI.

What's your favourite element of this old video?

What you might say when you're not trying to make partner.....

What follows are some of the more printable observations shared anonymously online by a US based accountant who describes himself as "a cynical Big 4 audit manager. I love my staff, I love my seniors, I hate this profession. I am not on the partner track."

He also admits to being drunk when he wrote the lengthy post which includes such intriguing observations as:

• I've made it to Manager by pretty much keeping my head down and playing the game. I have a respect for accounting theory and knowledge. I just no longer give a shit about all the other stuff that accompanies it.
• I'm convinced the biggest strategy for the Big 4 getting past PCAOB inspections is to over-document EVERYTHING. Memos for any and everything. F**king huge-ass memos filled with fluff language. They'll take one look at that 23-page Word file and nope the f**k out of it.
• I do respect the knowledge base we have. There are some very intelligent people in our profession.
• I hate office lingo: "Touch base", "shoot an e-mail", "let's table that discussion".
• I wish there were more culturally and politically liberal people in our profession.
• One of the most valuable 'soft' skills you can develop is public speaking.
• Masturbation is a close second.