Why did the Accountant fall off his bed?.

Why did the Accountant fall off his bed?.........

........ He didn't have a balance sheet

Why is collecting fish like collecting taxes?

A few years back a TV reporter, Jonathan Maitland, explained that the art of angling involves 3 things:

• Attention to detail;
• Organisation; and ultimately, sadly,
• A touch of brutality

"Not unlike the art of tax collecting"

Top five worst tax return expense claims

HMRC has published a list of what they describe as the Top five worst tax return expense claims.

These are, apparently, the five most outrageous personal expenses claims included in 2013-14 Self Assessment tax returns.

1. The costs for storing Mars Bars overnight in a fridge.
2. The cost of a pair of flip flops so I don’t have to walk barefoot between my work’s changing and shower rooms.
3. The costs for my intimate waxing. 
4. I bought a second hand car to get me from home to work so I didn’t have to walk. 
5. I purchased my own flat, so I need to claim back the money I spent on the furniture. 

I can't help but wonder how many of these were inspired by reports of claims about the expenses that MPs have claimed in the past!

Why is an income tax return like a girdle?

Q: Why is an income tax return like a girdle?

A: If you put the wrong figure in it, you are likely to get pinched.