A shocking downsizing story that all too believable

 The partners in a 20 strong accounting firm decided to downsize.

Half of the staff were duly handed their redundancy notices. The letters left them in no doubt the firm would be better off without them.

Selecting the half to make redundant had been a no-brainer for the partners: the firm was staffed by a mixture of very competent young people at various stages of training, and a motley crew of duffers who were mostly a waste of space. Some even had quirks that made them automatic choices: there was one guy who always arrived at the crack of dawn each morning - only to spend an hour on expensive sex chat-lines! And a twenty-something female who looked as though butter wouldn't melt, but was transformed into a door-slamming Banshee whenever told to go work on-site.

One of the staff who had been selected to stay, was recently qualified, and had just been head-hunted by his former mentor, a Big 4 Partner branching out with his own practice. Promoted to manager and charged with staffing the new practice, he offered jobs to all of the remaining competent 50% of the firm's staff - professional and admin. All accepted.

Thus it came that, having only just received their redundancy notices, Mr Sex-chat, Miss Banshee, and all the other duffers received gushing letters informing them the firm had had second thoughts. The partners didn't, after all, want to lose staff of their calibre, and would they care to stay?  

Apocryphal or true?

Did you ever bend your Butterworths?

I heard a great story recently about the late Philip Hardman (after whom the ICAEW Tax Faculty's annual Hardman event is named).

This story dates back to the days when every tax specialist, team or office would have their own hard copies of what was then Butterworth's Yellow and Orange Tax guides. 

Philip was head of tax for Thornton Baker, before it merged with Alexander Grant to become Grant Thornton.

After a tour of the firm's offices, Philip reported back that he was disappointed by the lack of high level tax work being done around the firm.  His evidence was the number of Butterworth's yellow books that were NOT dog-eared!

The tax teams were later admonished for not referring to the legislation sufficiently often. Back then there was no other way of checking what the law says. 

To avoid repeated criticism the staff apparently found a solution. They would take the yellow and orange books off the shelves and 'bend their Butterworths'!

Goodness only knows how now, in the 21st century anyone can prove they regularly refer to the source tax legislation regularly!

Ten things only financial controllers will understand

 

1. People never really understand what your job really involves
2. The colour scheme on your spreadsheet is actually important
3. It's infuriating when a balance sheet doesn't balance
4. You're wasting our time when you promote stuff to us (as we have no buying authority)
5. Having the auditors on site is a pain in the neck
6. No one wants to know when your cash flow shows no flow
7. Everyone thinks you can help them pay less tax
8. Friends only call when they want financial advice
9. New versions of Excel are really exciting
10. Everything in life can be reduced to debits and credits

When things were more formal than today

Many years ago when accountancy firms were more formal than they are today, the senior partner noticed a new trainee in the office and called out to him, across the older articled clerks:

"Come over here! What's your name young man?" 

"John," the new trainee replied. 

"Look, I don't know where you grew up or what school or colleague you attended, but I don't call anyone by their first name," the senior partner scowled. "It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority and respect. I refer to all my staff by their last names only: Smith, Jones, Baker, whatever. And you are to refer to me as 'Sir'. Do I make myself clear?" 

"Absolutely sir!" 

"Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?" 

The trainee sighed, "Darling, My name is John Darling, Sir." 

"Okay, Then. Welcome to the firm John.”