The purchase ledger accountant's lament

Piles of purchase invoices, in all colours and sizes
Apparently so varied but with very few surprises
The Boss will read them carefully before he authorises
Then it’s my job to process them as my blood pressure rises
I say each number quietly to get it in my brain
And as I type it to the screen I say it once again
The others in the office think my mumbling’s a pain
They say it shows I’m mad, but can I promise you – I’m sane!
Once input to the system I’m so careful where I pile ‘em
Too close to the window, they’ll be gone before I file ‘em
And that would be the end of me, straight off to the asylum…
My loving caring colleagues would be very quick to dial ‘em
So here I am, an invoice clerk until the bitter end
Most of the time I work real hard but sometimes I pretend
I’m living in a different world, with mates and cash to spend
Oh please won’t someone rescue me? I’M GOING ROUND THE BEND!

Written by Sean Kelly

It's too easy to misunderstand HMRC

This is a true story about a tax dispute that went on for two years before the underlying issue was clarified. It made me smile.

A while back an Inspector of Taxes explained to me that the owner of the small business had been refusing to co-operate. As a result a relatively straightforward tax dispute about a tax scheme was heading towards the first tier tax tribunal.

It was when the case was reviewed and a new Inspector contacted the taxpayer that the REAL issue became apparent. The taxpayer had misread a letter from HMRC which referred to his involvement in an abusive tax arrangement. 

The taxpayer thought that HE personally was being accused of ABUSE and he resented this. In the event a simple apology from HMRC for the misunderstanding enabled negotiations to commence properly and the dispute was later resolved without the need for a formal hearing.

I didn't find out whether it really was the taxpayer who had misunderstood or if the original letter from HMRC was poorly worded. Who knows?!

Crazy accounting definitions

Book value: Value placed on an asset for accounting purposes that bears no relation to its true worth.

Budgeting: An exercise where the unknowledgeable force the unwilling to predict the impossible based entirely on the inaccurate.

Credit: Something that accountants rarely get.

FIFO: 'First In, First Out', a method of valuing stock. Also a method never used when accountancy firms are considering redundancies.

Goodwill: Concept invested to explain the difference between the value of a company and the price another company paid for it.

LIFO: 'Last In, Last Out', a method of valuing stock. Also a method frequently used when accountancy firms are considering redundancies.

Liability: Money or goods owed by a company. Also a first-year audit trainee.

Prudence: A fundamental accounting principle, designed to lend dignity to inaccuracy.

Reconciliation: The art of proving that one inaccurate figure exactly agrees with another inaccurate figure.

Taken from 'The Bluffer's Guide to Accountancy'