Imagine an Inspector of taxes with this name!

I heard a lovely story recently about an Inspector of Taxes whose name was Mr Millions.  I'm assured it was true. 

Mr Millions worked for the Inland Revenue - in the days before it was rebranded as HMRC.

Many years back before the self assessment system started, Inspectors would 'list' appeals against estimated assessments for hearings before the General Commissioners. And then accountants would routinely call the Inland Revenue to ask for the hearings to be postponed.

This Tax Inspector often had to handle these calls and adopted a standard response when answering his phone. He said: "Millions, no jokes please!"

New acronyms for accountants

I'm a bit of an acronymaniac. Here are some that might be useful for accountants.

AFLO 
We've all had them. Challenges or things that don't go as we hoped. We might smack our forehead in frustration. Maybe January was an AFLO for you this year. Another Flipping Learning Opportunity!

TIOLI 
Maybe this is your approach when talking with clients about your service offerings: Take It Or Leave It

DARE
An approach to following up after attending networking events: Deliberate Acts of Relationship Enhancement.

HIPPO
Another way of explaining why the senior partner gets the last word. It's because it's the Highest Paid Person's Opinion.

GLIBO
What you might think of these acronyms. They offer a GLIBO: Glimse of the Bleeding Obvious

15 shocking things found among clients' paperwork

Accountants have long reported finding the most unexpected items in among the papers that clients send them to prepare accounts and tax returns.

Here's a selection of the 15 most shocking things we have ever heard about:

1. A piece of paper with a username & password for an online dating website and also details about flight times and days he could go to Bangkok.
   
2. The odd maggot or worm stuck to a receipt and a few more live wrigglers at the bottom of the box from a fishing tackle shop.
   
3. A pregnancy test (negative).
   
4. An HIV test result (also negative).
5. A client's topless holiday photos on the same memory stick as her accounting records.
   
6. A set of dentures.
7. Chewing gum (well chewed!)
8. A credit card still attached to the letter and pin number which had never been used.
   
9. A fishmonger's purchase invoices that were covered in fish skin and blood.
10. A flowery card with illegible writing and £50. Not for me as it turned out but the client’s birthday card from his granny.
    
11. A barbie doll's head, nothing else, just the head.  [Transpired it was used as a gear stick topper in the client's car]
12. A used teabag.
13. Some hard porn films in the bottom of a female client’s bag of papers. [Accountant was unsure whether to mention them to the client or not, as they suspected her husband hid them in there!]
    
14. False (finger) nails.
15. Receipts for adult toys and gentlemen's clubs of ill repute.

Be patient with accountant please (poem generated by ChatGPT)

Be patient with your accountant please

For they work hard to keep the books

With rules that change and numbers to squeeze

They will never work for crooks

They are not just adding up the sums

But making sure they're all correct

It's not a task that can be done

Without a lot of effort and respect

So when they take a little time

To double check and triple count

Remember that they're doing their best

To keep your finances sound

And though it may seem like a chore

To wait for them to finish each task

Know that they'll work diligently

So your money post tax will last

So be patient with your accountant

For they work hard to keep you financially astute

And their expertise will help you to avoid

Any financial disputes.

Authored in seconds by the ChatGPT AI system - using last week's poem on this site as inspiration. I made a few small edits (including making references to accountant gender neutral)