New names for accountants

 Accountaholic

Beenblower

Beancounter

Beankeeper

Closeted counter

Counting consultant

Counting countess

Double entry deviant

Dealer in debits and credits

Journal junkie

Legder lover

Number cruncher

Penny processor

Provisions peddler

Any more?

Percentages can be confusing

When I started training as an accountant, one of the first clients I visited was a bookseller.

I remember being unable to understand how the clerk had computed his percentages when sales were falling. These included such impossible results as minus 134% and minus 179%.

I explained how to compute the percentage movement in sales from one period to another. 

The look of joy on the clerk's face was a delight as he came to appreciate a key fact: 

• Whilst upward trends had no limit (eg: increases of four time the previous week's sales would show as plus 400%), downward trends could never be worse than minus 100% (if no sales were made). He was thrilled.

I went back a few weeks later to check all was well. Unfortunately a stack of books (previously counted as 'sold') had been returned, thus creating 'minus sales' ...............!

10 songs from the 1970s to inspire accountants

1. "Money, Money, Money" by ABBA - Because accountants know money is their favorite thing to count, balance, and make sense of! 
2. "Taxman" by The Beatles - A reminder that even the legendary Beatles had to deal with taxes, just like everyone else. 
3. "Dancing Queen" by ABBA - When the financial statements are balanced, and you're ready to dance your way through tax season like a true queen of numbers. 
4. "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits - A humorous take on the dream of getting paid for doing nothing, which is rarely the case in the world of accounting! 
5. "I Want to Hold Your Hand" by The Beatles - When you're providing reassurance to clients that you'll be there to hold their hand through the complicated tax filing process. 
6. "Working 9 to 5" by Dolly Parton - The anthem for every hardworking accountant during tax season, putting in those long hours to meet deadlines. 
7. "The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers - A reminder to always play the odds and make smart financial decisions, especially when it comes to taxes! 
8. "Money" by Pink Floyd - A humorous take on the never-ending pursuit of balancing the books and making sense of the numbers, just like Pink Floyd's iconic song. 
9. "We Are the Champions" by Queen - Celebrating the successful completion of tax season and conquering the challenges of financial management like a true champion!
10. "Money's Just a Touch Away" by The Rolling Stones - A cheeky take on the temptation to touch those funds when you're reconciling the books, but as an accountant, you know it's not that simple!

An accountant goes to the doctor....

 An accountant knocks on the door of the local GP's surgery and walks in.

"Hello, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Goodbye." With that the accountant turns around and walks out.

30 seconds later they are back. "Hello again, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me."

The Doctor looks up from his desk and asks: Are you an accountant?"

"Yes"

 "Ok, In that case I think it's obvious. You have a serious case of double entry."