- Some clients treat tax returns like Wimbledon — show up once a year and expect applause.If an accountant played tennis, they'd challenge every point. With supporting documentation.
- Tennis has unforced errors. So do self-assessment submissions in January.
- They say accountants are like tennis players — Always trying to serve clients better.
- Accountants are like line judges at Wimbledon — always watching the margins.
- Tennis has net play. Accountants have net pay.
- In tennis, losing players still get applause. In accountancy, they get investigated.
- Most people hear “love 40” and think tennis. Accountants hear it and think “my work-life balance.”
Hundreds of stories, jokes, videos, anecdotes, links and quotes relating to accountants, accountancy and tax related topics. If you've got something that makes you laugh - do send it in to mark@bookmarklee.co.uk
Friday, July 25, 2025
Why is accountancy like Wimbledon?
Friday, July 18, 2025
How to describe a glass that's half full/empty
To the pessimist, it is 1/2 empty
To an accountant, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be
Friday, July 11, 2025
A dozen ways to maximise the tax you pay (a parody)
Find the cheapest accountant you can. Bonus points if they're your cousin’s mate.
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Give them your books at the last minute – ideally in a carrier bag.
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Don’t involve your accountant in major decisions – just let them “sort it out later.”
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Draw as much as you like from your limited company bank account – it’s your money, right?
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Pay your taxes late and file your returns late – HMRC love a bit of extra interest.
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Always listen to your mate Dave down the pub. His situation sounds exactly like yours.
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Ignore all reminders from HMRC – they’ll get back to you if it’s urgent.
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Treat your accountant like a form-filler, not a business adviser – why waste their brainpower?
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Leave your VAT registration until you've already blown through the threshold.
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Keep poor records – better still, don’t keep any at all.
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Assume that if you paid tax last year, you’ll owe the same this year – why check?
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And finally, always argue about your accountant’s fees. Because saving a few hundred pounds there is far more important than the thousands you might save in tax.
Friday, July 04, 2025
5 new accounting related acronyms you'll never use
ACCOUNTS – Always Chasing Clients, Often Underpaid, Never Taking Sabbaticals
RECAP – Routinely Explaining Concepts Again Patiently
RECEIPTS – Random Envelopes Containing Evidence In Perpetual Tattered Shape
TARDIS – Time Allocation Rarely Delivers Income Sadly (How it feels quoting fixed fees for 'quick' jobs.)
P&L – Panic & Last-minute (The only true accounting method for sole traders at year-end.)
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