Conjuring up Comedy with VAT

An old friend of mine, Ian Keable used to be an accountant. 25 years ago we worked together at what was Touche Ross (now Deloitte.)

Some years later Ian decided to focus on his passion and he has since been a full time 'magical comedian' - and he plays on the fact that he still looks like the archetypal accountant.

His well received one man show is playing all round the UK over the next few months. Click the link to find details of his Conjuring Up Comedy tour.

I love the way Ian notes that VAT is relevant to his one man magic show as it contains Very Amusing Tricks.

Conjuring Up Comedy is a two hour show, including an interval, that Ian has performed all over the country. The first half is about his transition from accountant to magical comedian; the second half is essentially his act as performed today.

For further details about the show, including photographs and reviews, check out http://www.magicalcomedian.co.uk/.

Novel claims for tax deductible expenses

I'd love to see other examples attached as comments to this posting.

Thanks to Keith Deane I've just found out about the a self-employed accountant who worked from home. He claimed that he often received books from clients (especially jobbing builders) that were "covered in muck".

As a result he claimed that he had to constantly wash his hands to rid himself of exclusively business dirt and as such the water so consumed was an essential element of his business activity. Thus the accountant claimed a proportion of his household water bills as being business related.

Now that's novel. What other examples can you suggest?

A new Taxpayers' charter in rhyme

Number one - nowhere to run
Number two - we'll find you
Number three - wait and see
Number four - knock at the door
Number five - skinned alive
Number six - we know your tricks
Number seven- lucky for some
Number eight - don't be late

As drafted by the cartoonist Higgins for 'Colin' on the back cover of Accountancy Age

In a similar vein I'll attempt to complete the list
Number nine - pay the interest and fine
Number ten - don't do it again

Public Accounts Committee interviews Trevor Wooley - MOD

During the Commons Public Accounts Committee (PAC) hearing on the privatisation of QinetiQ, 3 December 2007, the Committee invited the Ministry Of Defence’s Trevor Woolly in for questioning.

What follows is an extract of a verbatim exchange at the start of his interview:

MR RICHARD BACON MP (CON, S. NORFOLK): Mr Woolley, are you a chartered accountant?
MR WOOLLEY: I am not.
BURTON: Are you a qualified financial person of any kind? Do you have any financial qualifications?
WOOLLEY: I do not have financial qualifications
BURTON: What is your job?
WOOLLEY: I am the finance director of the Ministry of Defence.

Classic!

Christmas puzzle

Imagine you are walking down the street late on Christmas eve when you think you see, ahead of you, three characters: A sweet natured, happy and helpful tax inspector, an aggressive, unpleasant and uncommercial tax inspector and a large jolly Father Christmas. As you watch them, you see them stop outside a bank where someone seems to have left a pile of cash just lying around.

Which of the 3 characters do you see picking up the cash and why?





At the risk of confirming unfair stereotypes. The answer is:The nasty horrible tax inspector - as the other two don't really exist!

Tax themed Christmas carol

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
Hated paying NIC
Went to a sharp adviser
Paid the man a hefty fee

He told the other reindeer
You should do the same as me
Go and see my adviser
Get yourself an MSC

Then one foggy Christmas eve, the taxman came to say:
"Your idea was not so bright
You owe tax, you're banged to rights"

So all the deer were bankrupt
Didn't have a bean they said
Now taxman's after Santa
He'll be really in the red.

Written by Chris Williams of Baker Tilly and
first published in Taxation magazine 20 December 2007

Christmas carols (1)

We nick ye merry gentlemen and confiscate your sleigh 

For using it to bootleg booze and ciggies from Calais 

To you we're wise, 

you've dodged excise, 

We've tailed you all the way. 

You're go-o- ing to pris-i-on old boy! 

Oh what a joy! 

You're go-o-ing to Wormwood Scrubs old boy! 

Written by Chris Williams and first published in Taxation magazine 20 December 2007