The 300th post: Budget09 'leak' April Fool revealed

Yesterday I sent out a spoof email re a leaked Budget09 document which I had posted to my TaxBuzz blog.

Most readers spotted the giveaway in the final para which implied official recognition of my TaxBuzz blog. So far I know, no one spotted that the initial letters of the words starting each the 9 paras quoted on the blog spelled 'April Fool'. Too subtle I suspect.

I must apologise to anyone 'caught' or in anyway inconvenienced by the spoof. I did get two complaints for time wasting so I fear there may have been others. I did also receive dozens of positive comments from people who'd enjoyed the joke and I know you can't please all the people all the time.

Some of the replies made me laugh so I'll share them here:

- I saw this very day a small pink animal with a curly tail fly past my window.
- An Acrostic April fool even better (we all need to get out a lot more).
- A battalion of flying pigs passed overhead as I read the last paragraph.
- Very good, Mark! I hope you get bail in time for the Easter Holidays. White Rabbits!
- You are unquestionably the most amusing accountant/tax consultant I have ever known. Brilliant staff. As well as the Chancellor, I would like to thank you for the 1st April gift you have given me.
- If you want my opinion, you've been set up (or have I?). I do not believe there is any way that the final comments would ever find their way onto a Budget Notice, draft of otherwise - but maybe I'm wrong.

and my favourite:

- I can conclusively declare that this is not correct. My wife's brother-in-law's second cousin's ex-wife's son has given me an inside track to the hot news from the Treasury that in fact VAT is to be abolished and is to be replaced by a new tax on software (to be known as Windows Tax).

Latest funny tax tweets on twitter

Just when I thought I was done with weird & invasive bureaucracy, behold HMRC Form P86, Q 17: "What are your intentions for the future?"
@randomjane

Can't believe I gave all of my wages to the inland revenue by mistake! That's going to be easy to correct (he said sarcastically!)
@LiamDC2

hmm. HMRC helpline has Pachelbel's Canon in D as hold music. Love the music but not in this context
@bagelmouseUK

HMRC playing 'Rhapsody on a Theme by Paganini' at me - soundtrack to a film in which Chrstopher Reeve literally dies of frustration&boredom
@martinhearson

Negative of working from home: Working 12 hours to get 7 hours work done. Positive: Dealing with HMRC whilst getting cuddle from 6 yr old.
@Theaardvark

Finally an end to VAT return-related anguish, for me at least. Is there anything quite as satisfying as a good spreadsheet?
@SimonD

HMRC Software 'helpline' ... there are 34 minutes of my life I'll never get back ... and now I've got anger issues to sort out too .... grr!
@martincox

Looking at the Trends list (recommended for making connections) and "Happy Tax Day" is listed. That phrase is just wrong on many levels.....
@jasonkneen

The difference between short and long form tax returns

The difference between the short and long form income tax forms is simple.

If you use the short form, the taxman gets your money. If you use the long form, your accountant gets your money.

More tax funnies picked up from Twitter

Some of these fall into the sad but true (as in true that they appeared on twitter)

HMRC would love to investigate all one man band companies. Best example I have is taxing as benefit in kind a box of aspirin 38p.
@stuartjones

you need second sight to get round the HMRC website.. jokers
@mattspendlove

Still fighting with HMRC about 2005/06 penalty charge after online SA site went down - would send another email but....!
@DanDimmock

Waist high in the VAT section of the Inland Revenue website. A most absorbing place to be.
@DesignPome

Dear HMRC, tell me all the information I'll need to give you BEFORE I sit on hold for 15 minutes, especially when it's stupidly obscure
@Doubleshiny

Just had to call the Inland Revenue. Went well. Got on so well with the chap, in fact, that I think we might be spending Christmas together.
@rhodri

NORMAN GILLER IS INNOCENT OK! I promised my mate Norman I'd campaign for him as HMRC are stalking him for 0.01 pence in tax.
@Woodo

If you're on Twitter you can tell your followers about this by clicking here to: Tweet a link to this blog post. You can send the tweet, which contains a shortened link, as it is or you can edit it.
And you can follow me @bookmarklee.

The taxman calls us customers but I'd prefer to be called...

HMRC claim they need one word that covers both taxpayers and tax credit claimants. So they refer to us as 'customers' - despite the lack of correlation with conventional definitions of the word.

I've written about this on my TaxBuzz blog and have extracted the following for inclusion on this blog.

The first alternative I come up with was 'stakeholders'. But that probably goes too far. Other suggestions to date include:
- Tax Liability Owner
- Victims
- Lemons (as in "squeeze them until the pips squeak")
- "Codees" Anyone who deals with the tax authorities has to have a code, so that's the common element.
- The internal description - Punters?
- I was going to say Victims - but, as that's already taken, how about "Mugs"?
- Suckers seem appropriate for both parties only the first party should have blood tagged in front;
- Cash cow?
- How do pickpockets name their victims?
- Users of HMRC's services
- Citizens [although companies aren't citizens and you don't have to be a citizen to be subject to UK tax]
- Muggles - following on from 'mugs'. Also refers to those who don't quite understand the tax magic.

Accountants apply for McDonald’s jobs

Not a joke and not funny either but a clear sign of the times. The new Irish branch of McDonalds is reported to have had 500 applicants from accountants, bankers and architects.

Professionals are chasing ‘McJobs’ in Ennis, County Clare, where unemployment has jumped by 73% over the past year.

Franchisee Kieran McDermott said he had to do a double-take on some of the CVs he received. He was swamped with 500 applications in just 10 days, forcing him to take down the ‘now hiring’ banner.

It's been suggested that the situation could be repeated across Europe. McDonalds is one of the few employers still hiring, with plans to open a further 240 outlets in Europe.

Picked up via Twitter. With acknowledgements to Franchise Business Opportunities Weblog

We had your tax return but we lost it....

Here are the bare bones of four sets of real-life circumstances which may make you smile but which contain a serious message:

1 - From HMRC: “We know that we received your return. We acknowledge that we lost it and we’re sorry about that. However, if you send us a copy now that won’t be good enough; we will charge a penalty. You must sign a fresh return.”

2 - “We know that we received your return. We processed it but then lost it. We now need to see a copy of it. Please send us a copy or we will charge you a penalty.” This may sound outrageous but in the case of Wilson (SpC724) HMRC issued a summons to obtain from the taxpayer a copy of the return that HMRC had lost. The Special Commissioners awarded a penalty of £300 against the taxpayer for failing to provide a copy to replace the original which HMRC had lost.

3 - “We know that you delivered the return to (another) HMRC office on Friday 30 January. Unfortunately, our colleagues at the other office forgot to stamp the return before this was sent to us. Without a stamp there is no proof of the date of receipt. We have to treat this as a late return and we will charge you a penalty.”

4 - A company’s tax return together with the accounts and tax computation were hand-delivered to a tax office. The tax office retained one of the three documents, sent another to the company’s current tax office and the other to the company’s old tax office. All three tax offices then wrote to the company saying that it had failed to file its return correctly due to the absence of the other two documents.

With due credit to George Bull, head of tax at Baker Tilly, who included these in last week's Tax Brief