The News Quiz insults Accountants

On 18 May 2018 panellist Jeremy Hardy on Radio 4's News Quiz commented on negative press comment about big 4 firms of accountants, This was in the context of the failure of Carillion.

He suggested that Carillion is what you might call a number that’s a million times higher than a number any sane person would think of. And added: 

"I’m a bit jealous that there are high rolling accountants. Mine’s quite lacklustre in comparison to that lot. 

I just give him a carrier bag full of receipts and he keeps me out of prison. That’s all that happens."

There was a later reference to a phrase in a select committee report “Carillion was brought down by a combination of recklessness, hubris and greed”

Which prompted fellow panellist Simon Evans to respond: "Recklessness, Hubris and Greed sounds like a good name for the accountants".

Accountants practice safe XXX

XXX = Tax of course. What did you think!?

AIDS = Accountants In Deep Shit

It's what accountants get if they don't practice safe tax.

Married at First Sight: Accountants stuck in a bad marriage

What follows is an entertaining analysis of the merger of two accounting bodies as if they had met and married in 2014 in a lavish ceremony agreed by their respective members.

Together, the lovers formed CAANZ, an alluring acronym which stands for Chartered Accountants Australia and New Zealand. 

The great promise of this matrimony of professional bodies, as laid down in the nuptial documents, otherwise known as the Explanatory Memorandum to the merger, has not lived up to its vows. 

Perhaps it is a case of haste to the alter. NZICA appeared only borderline solvent before the marriage. It was the ugly duckling which somehow married a swan, albeit a worn out old swan, with sweet talk and forget-me-nots in an Explanatory Memorandum. As the private equity turnaround merchants say: “You only have to look good for the wedding day.” 

Since the nuptials,  the New Zealand bride seems to have been on a frolic with the marital credit card, spending up in the Shaky Isles and apparently taking liberties with joint possessions like the nominations and governance committee, fellowships awards and professional independence.

The above is an extract from a longer and more devastating analysis written by Michael West, an Australian journalist and Associate Professor with Sydney Democracy Network, Sydney University.

Do accountants laugh?

"Do accountants laugh?" was a question posed online by top Comedy Magician, John Archer ahead of a gig for accountants.

Among the replies he received were:

• It depends on their clients
• Only when they lose their balance
• When it's at someones else's expense
• Yes, when their balance sheet balances
• As soon as you pay their bill

A new supplementary page for SA tax returns: Application for Mercy

Original is on the clever and fun official looking (but fake) website promoting a book published by Ian Vince:The Department of Social Scrutiny

Yes Prime Minister - How the Treasury work out how much tax to raise

In January 1986 the political comedy " Yes Prime Minister" featured an episode "The Smokescreen" in which The Prime Minister, Jim Hacker, favours abolishing smoking through heavy taxation but he runs into strong opposition from the tobacco lobby and the Treasury department.

The following exchange between the PM and his permanent secretary seemed especially worthy of inclusion on this blog:

Sir Humphrey: Taxation isn't about what you need.
Jim Hacker: Oh, what is it about?
Sir Humphrey: Prime Minister, the Treasury doesn't work out what they need to spend and then think how to raise the money.
Jim Hacker: What does it do?
Sir Humphrey: They pitch for as much as they think they can get away with and then think what to spend it on.

Here's the whole episode if you're interested. At the start Sir Humphrey explains his view as to how all new Prime Ministers want to cut either taxes or public expenditure.....

Don't Cha Wish Your Accountant Was Cool Like This

Well done Accountant Annette Ferguson.  Great video revealing those thins Accountants NEVER say - and with good reason!