The liar, the Revenue and the wardrobe

A little late to the party on this one, but worth recording for posterity. And yes, the title is a variation on the same theme adopted in most other reports of this story.

A bookkeeper, keen to avoid arrest in connection with a £140,000 VAT fraud, hid in her bedroom wardrobe.  Unsurprisingly, after looking under her bed, the wardrobe was the next place that police officers looked.

The accused, Donna Magee (44), was arrested by HMRC in February 2012. Concerns had been raised by reference to fraudulent VAT repayments for the construction of non-existent new business premises.  She has since been tried, found guilty and sentenced.

Mike Parkinson, of HMRC, explained that the investigation shows that tax fraudsters have "no place to hide".  That is certainly true for those who attempt to hide in their own bedrooms!

A '50 shades of tax' pun

"I use gaffer tape to stick down the envelope for my tax return... 

 Cos its Tax duct tapeable. DUCT TAPEABLE"

With all due credit to Arnie Haybridge who posted this on twitter

The importance of getting your tax return right

HMRC (Her Majesty's Revenue & Customs) has returned a Tax Return to a man in STANSTED after he apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly.

In response to the question: "Do you have anyone dependant on you?" he wrote:

2.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crackheads, 4.4 million unemployable Jeremy Kyle scroungers, 900,000 criminals in over 85 prisons plus 650 idiots in Parliament and the whole of the European Commission.

HMRC stated that the response he gave was unacceptable.

The man's response back to HMRC was simple:

SORRY - Who did I miss out?

Many thanks to Brian Cruickshank for highlighting this for me. 

Hugh's new client

The following story comes from long-time subscriber to my newsletters and blog posts, Hugh Dunlop.

Hugh is a practicing accountant who is close to retirement in Scotland. He tells of a self employed person who came to him a couple of years ago to file the SA100 tax return.

As it was the first year of the business and he had previously been employed under PAYE I was able to get him a tidy tax rebate. 

In 2014 I told him that he had made a profit just under the personal allowance and as a result he would have no tax to pay. The reply was 'Does that mean I won't get a tax rebate again?' I said that as he had not paid any tax he could not get one. 'OH. Does that mean I won't have to pay you?'

Some clients just don't get it do they?

What's the difference between counting and accounting?

The accountant (actor) at number 39 on the Top 50 financial power list

This year's tongue in cheek entry on Accountancy Age's annual Top 50 Financial power list 2015:

39 (New Entry) Ben Affleck, actor Can Ben Affleck succeed where Jason Donovan failed? The public perception of an a-typical accountant looks set to get a serious make-over with the latex-clad Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice thespian reputedly signing up for the lead in a film called...you guessed it...The Accountant.  

The broad concept of the movie is about a man who juggles the twin perils of GAAP by day, and the less taxing demands of being a high-class assassin by night. So can Affleck and screenwriter Bill Dubuque paint the profession in a sophisticated light akin to that of the legal profession? Previous attempts, including an accounting drama starring the aforementioned Donovan, were met with limited success.

Jason's drama featured on this fun blog four years ago. I'm also reminded of KPMG's efforts, back in 1997, to have the lead characters in dramatic films be accountants rather than lawyers.

'Born to the m-i-i-i-i-i-ld' (To the tune of Steppenwolf's 'Born to be Wild')

Calculator running

Totalling invoices

Looking at debentures

And all other finance choices

Yeah darling, gonna make it add up

Put the world in a big spreadsheet

Do all of my sums at once and

Leave it really neat

Some find accounts frightnin’

Leaves them full of wonder

All of these expenses

Just what heading are they under?

Yeah darling, gonna make it add up

Put the world in a big spreadsheet

Do all of my sums at once and

Leave it really neat

All prop-er-ly filed

I was born, born to be mild

Tax returns so sly

I make the taxman cry

Born to be mi-i-i-ild

Born to be mi-i-i-ild

Calculator running

Totalling invoices

Looking at debentures

And all other finance choices

Yeah darling, gonna make it add up

Put the world in a big spreadsheet

Do all of my sums at once and

Leave it really neat

All properly filed

I was born, born to be mild

Tax returns so sly

I make the taxman cry

Born to be mi-i-i-ild

Born to be mi-i-i-ild

Words by accountant and poet: Stephen Brown Audio version can be heard here.